Do you see what I see?

Lately I have been challenged to stop and see the beauty. So often we can feel, hear or smell the beauty because most of the time, those senses can happen without a pause to find it. You can smell fresh cut grass, Spring flowers or lotion from a newborn baby without having to tell your nose to find the smell so you can enjoy it. Your hands and body can feel the wind or the softness of clean sheets. Your ears hear birds chipping in the morning at sunrise, the crashing waves hitting the beaches shores or your little one breathing while laying on your chest. We can sometimes tune these things out but for me, I tune my vision out a lot more often than I can these other senses. Two beautiful things were pointed out to me yesterday on a drive that I drive two or three times a week and yet I had never laid eyes upon them until yesterday. Then as we were about to turn on to my road, my cousin asked me, "do you just look at your house every time you take this turn & are so thankful for its beauty". I said, no but I used to, now I see the junk that we have let pile up on this end or the yard work that needs to be done. She didn't ask this because we have some new, big, modern house, because we don't. I did however, used to do exactly what she was saying. I even used to stop at the beginning of my driveway to admire the beauty, the beauty being where God has placed us. Nowadays I zoom up my driveway as fast as I can get up it.
At my small group, which my church calls care groups, my friend told us about a book that she is reading where it has challenged her to pause and pray and give thanks every hour of the day. She brought this up because we are doing a church-wide study on a booked called, 30 Day Church Challenge. On one of the days, the book tells you to go outside and take a walk, study the markings on a tree, listen to the birds, just do something to embrace the beauty that the Lord has and still creates for us. Between Janine and this study, I am challenged to pause to see the beauty.
Somethings that I have seen beauty in lately:
I saw my 8yr bring tears of joy to a mourning widow yesterday by a drawing that she made.
I saw a lady that was treated unjust and bitter turn her response from, eye for an eye, to a compassionate prayer for the one that hurt her.
I saw my husband wink and smirk at me, my gosh at the times that I have not noticed those.
I saw a hurting sister looking out into a field, basking at it's beauty that her brother had seen in that very spot so many times.
I saw my mom weep with and comfort a mourning niece.
I saw a family put bitterness aside to smile and cry together.
I saw my son sitting next to me while I was having "my" time on facebook and noticed that he wanted HIS time with Mom.
I saw hurt in  my son's eyes and instead of turning to anger, he came to receive comfort.
I saw two grandchildren sitting on the front row with their Papa, the pastor at church, I saw a legacy continuing.
I saw laughter and light in a man's eyes, a man that hasn't felt worthy of it in years.
I saw a man praising the Lord in worship, a man that used to not care, I saw a wife's answer to prayers.

This is all since Sunday, today is Friday. 

Freedom, I WILL fight for you!

Well here I am in 2013 and God is telling me, "this is your year to be set FREE Betty"! Honestly I just sighed as I finished typing that sentence. Why? Well because you don't just say, I am free and then all of a sudden you are free, there's work involved! I know, there shouldn't be, Christ came to set us free, he did the ultimate action, he did it ALL right? Oh wait, there is that one sneaky slimy enemy out there that works day and night on our insecurities, weaknesses of the flesh, pride, doubt and fears. Does this mean that this won't be my year? Am I hearing God wrong because it seems like we have to fight the enemy constantly. Sigh, or did he mean that this is your year to choose to live in FREEDOM, your year to not just lye down and let the devil tell you that you can't do this or that. To not just stand at the gate wanting so desperately to burst through but not feeling like you have any chance at all. You know the gate, the gate that is wrapped so thick with insecurity that you wonder why you those feelings of actually wanting to burst through it even came to your mind at all?
So this is my year!  I might not, all at once, run at full force and burst through every gate that I have allowed satan to stand guard at but this is my year to scream out in the Name of Jesus, I have the power to knock you down and then tackle it. I must first believe that I have the power in me. The Word says if we are Christians then Christ is in us. Sure, I have been saved and I have known that Christ lives in me but when facing those gates that hold me back, how much am I believing the part that says we have his power because he is in us? Believing is a choice and therefore if I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth and I am taking steps toward those gates. I must then tackle it by action, by doing what the Lord tells me to do, by hearing who He says that I am, by listening to His instructions and obeying Him.

Galatians 5:1

The Message (MSG)

The Life of Freedom

5 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.

Is God really CRAZY?

   I have had my life as a Mother with my kids & grands planned out for years now. I figured it out that once Nick leaves for college, I will have still have a good 7yrs or better before Olivia leaves the nest. Sounds great huh? Well what is even better is that by that time Nick will in his mid twenties & it probably wouldn't be long before I have some grand babies! I have always thought that I will be a great Grammie, not that I am rushing it at all but I just know that, that will be a sweet time of my life. I have always imagined the kids living near me so that I can watch their kids grow up. One can plan & dream right?
   A couple of Sundays ago at church, we started with our typical worship but this time the team only played one song, then a missionary was asked to get up & share her testimony, then we we finished our worship part of the service. Really the only time that I know of that we have had something like that happen is when a member of our worship team or our pastor will just give a brief word of encouragement or prayer. On this day, the line up had been planned out, just like it took place. Honestly I don't even remember but bits and pieces from the missionaries testimony but during it, my heart shifted in a big way. I started sobbing so bad that the tears were hitting my chest. It was like I was grieving. I realized that it wasn't "what" she was saying it was what God was about to "say". When he spoke to me, it was as if he was sitting eye to eye with me. He told me that Nick would be going to Africa this Summer on a missions trip. What? MY SON? NO God, I plan to take him in a couple of years, once or friends move there, so WE can go together!! By this time, the missionary had finished talking & we were singing again. I started wrestling with God even more. I told him that Nick has fears of flying and he can't go without me, at the next moment we were singing "How Great Is Our God". He then told me that I needed to start letting go because Nick would be going MANY places for him. I reminded him about my plans of Nick having me some grands & living close to me. This went on throughout the rest of worship, I would fight and he would confirm that HE is full aware of what he is asking. I can tell you that I was mad, sad and overjoyed at the same time. Thankfully, we have church members that have experienced this very thing, talking and praying with them help me sort out my emotions.To go back to how our service was lined up that day, it had to have been totally orchestrated by God himself.
   I guess you might be wondering how Mike & Nick feel about this word from God? You know, I could have kept it to myself! I could have been selfish and interfered with what God was going to do with and to my son and stayed in our comfortable, controlling lifestyle but I love my son & GOD too much to think of myself! Nick wasn't too shocked because his friend Betsie had already been telling him that he should go on this trip with her brother Patrick & friend Desmond.  Nick had actually mentioned it to me but we both thought, "um there is noway"! Mike wasn't as ready to put Nick on a plane to Africa for a month, as I was! After all, I had heard from God, not Mike! Mike is the type that needs time to think, time to let go & let God. He wasn't against the trip in the beginning but he also wasn't too sure about it either. Now, I am happy to say that Mike is on board with the trip. He is so on board with the trip that he isn't saying "if" but rather "when" Nick goes to Africa! God moves in crazy ways because a couple of years ago, heck maybe even a year ago, I thought my friend Elysa was crazy to send her teen or teens to another country without a parent!! I am at peace with this trip because I know that God wants to use Nick in Africa and the changes that the trip will make in Nick, God will use that too!
   We will be finishing up the application tomorrow, the trip isn't a "done" deal! He still has to be accepted and he also has to raise $4,200.00!!! I know that if God can change my heart enough to trust him with my son in another country, I know that these final steps can happen too!
   I also must add that with telling both of our families about this trip, we never heard one negative response, only excitement, which is huge too!!

are we so BLIND to see the ruins in our marriages, families or communities?

   Reading in Nehemiah this morning has encouraged me. God will direct our paths, he will protect us and he will fight for us but that doesn't mean that we will not have to work hard and to stay alert. This morning, I read chapters one-four, Nehemiah's leadership skills really stuck out to me. He saw an area that was in ruins, an area that should be sacred, his heart mourned for it, he prayed about it, then lined up everything that he needed to be in order before speaking to the king & receiving permission to start his work.
   What is sacred these days? Our marriages, family, homes and what about our communities? Are we checking our hearts to see if it is closed off to feeling sorrow for areas such as these? If so, are we praying about it? See, Nehemiah didn't just feel sorry for these people. It wasn't an "awe what a shame that they have to live like that", it was a sorrow, it was turning it over to God but one main key that has to go with a heart check & praying is action. Chapter 2:⁵ and I answered the king, “If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it.”... SEND & REBUILD are the action words here!! My Pastor, Freddie Brown has taught me to look for the action words in the Bible, don't miss those words... they are powerful!! Send & Rebuild!!!!
   In my reading I came to another verse that made a huge wow factor for me & I am going to post the Message version ¹⁹ When Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official, and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they laughed at us, mocking, "Ha! What do you think you're doing? Do you think you can cross the king?" ²⁰ I shot back, "The God-of-Heaven will make sure we succeed. We're his servants and we're going to work, rebuilding. You can keep your nose out of it. You get no say in this—Jerusalem's none of your business!"   This got me to thinking about so many marriages that fail, most of them because they don't believe that God can restore because they have so many people saying, "are you crazy? you would want to stay with him/her after they did that to you? you can't trust them again!" What if the couples would tell these people to get their nose out of their marriage because GOD says, WE will succeed? Then I thought about places like WE WILL GO Ministries, an inner city ministry that gets ridiculed by so many because the majority of the area that this ministry lies in, is in ruins. What if they had said, "that's crazy, we aren't going to move to the ghetto, we will be killed, our children will be stolen & sold for drugs". Ha, this ministry has flourished, it has reached so many people & it is steadily growing & restoring the city that is in ruins! I also thought about a family that our church helped last week. A family of 6 kids that came to school hungry, filthy clothed and lacking the care from their parents. A bus driver named Robin, a lady from our Church saw the ruin, her heart mourned, prayers went up & her husband Doug stood up in church, lining out the plans to help this family & action took place! Other than knowing that the children were fed, I don't know the full impact of this out reach but one day, I hope to say, "what if this bus driver hadn't checked her heart to see the need, to see the ruins, where would these kids & family be". I await that day!
   Okay so our hearts have to be checked, we must pray, listen & DO the work but like in Nehemiah, the work might not be easy, actually we have to stay alert. 4:16-18 ⁶ From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor. The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah ¹⁷ who were building the wall. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, ¹⁸ and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked. But the man who sounded the trumpet stayed with me. They had to work with one hand, while staying alert & carrying protection in the other hand!! Do we just work hard on our marriages, yet we let our guards down & let the enemy in? Do the people at WWG ministries just work hard & ignore drug dealers that come into their ministry to destroy it? Builders carried materials with one hand & a sword in the other, that is hard work! 
   I look at what this means with parenting. Parenting is hard work but are we staying alert to the enemy that can enter into our teens lives? In this day and times, the enemy has so many areas that he can enter. Are we checking our heart? Have we given up on the fight to raise our children up in the Lord because the work is SO hard these days, have we lost hope? I have to admit at times it seems like it could be so much easier to give up because the work is hard, the fight is tough. We have to pray and ask God to keep us alert to these footholds, gosh there are so many!!!
   I am inspired to check my heart to see the ruins, to pray & listen & to do the action and let the LORD fight for me.

Watch your MOUTH Betty

Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

Last week after I left a doctors appointment I had to kill time until I could meet a lady to buy a book, so I decided to have a late lunch, all by myself. I went to a little Mexican place that I rarely eat at, they have the BEST chips and I couldn't wait to eat some. It was around 2, so the place wasn't busy at all. The lady sat me a couple of tables over from a group of 7 or so people, they seemed to have been there for a while, just talking & laughing. You could tell by appearance that the people at the table were Christians, well, I couldn't see their hearts but again, by their clothes & hair, I felt sure that they were Christians. I ordered my food & decide that I needed to eat slow, so that I could waste time until the meeting.
    As I am sitting there enjoying my meal, my ears start hearing the conversations from the group across from me and all of a sudden, my chips didn't taste as good. I started to hear phrases about other preachers, not totally bad ones but they seemed pretty judgmental. I also heard about certain people that weren't in church & how they would never change and the tithing topic got brought up as well. I was appalled to hear these conversations so loudly and in public, from what it seemed to be pastors and or leaders. I wondered if the other family that was sitting near this group, were Christians and if so or even if not, was this kind of talk turning them off? A voice in me kept saying, you know, you should say something to these people on your way out! As I am sitting there, thinking these thoughts, I realized how much judgement I was placing on this group!!! Would I have listened as closely if I couldn't tell that they were Christians? I didn't know if these people had bent over backwards to help the families that they were talking about & maybe they were just at a lost as to what to do. Who was I to judge their judgements? Had I not had some of these very conversations myself? You know, I don't know if what they were saying was just gossip, discernment or just talking problems out but what I do know is that it affected me. It made me loose my appetite! It made me start thinking about what I say, not only in a public place like that for everyone to hear but also on the phone with just a friend or in front of my kids. I don't want others to feel what I felt that day. Sure we need to talk & be discerning and we need to make judgements about certain people and issues so that we can know how to address situations. The one thing that hit me though is that if you aren't covering the people or situation in prayer, if you are just talking & not praying, it probably shouldn't be coming out of your...MY... mouth!! This includes family...ugh.... yes friends & family members that just can't get it together, that choose to live foolishly. You know the ones that drive you insane with always living in drama and a full blown crazy cycle that they choose to live in? Yeah, so God has really told me to watch my mouth!! Watch it because my words can affect & infect people. Instead of venting about how wrong this or that person is, I am choosing to let it out to God. I want my words to represent Christ. Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 
   Lord, help me to watch my mouth, even if that means to talk less, even if that means that I need to learn to bite my tongue, even if that means that I might not get my .02cents in! Help me to to talk my judgments out to you & depend on you for clarity & direction! You, my redeemer, are my defender, your defense carries more power than my words, remind me to always allow you to defend my  honor and should I have to speak, make judgments or even take action, help me to do these things through you!!

Teacher, say what?

   Has God called you to do something that you are feel that you aren't equipped to do?
 ^{Hebrews 13:20-21}
 Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, ²¹ equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
 This week, most of our area public schools have started their new school year. They have had their "meet the teacher" nights, stores have boomed with everyone shopping for back to school clothes & backpacks and the back to school pictures  are constantly being put on the net from moms. I remember being a child & how exciting the first day back to school was and I also remember being a mom of a public school child & his many first days of school. I remember when God called me to homeschool my children, thinking of the many things that they would miss out on, the first day, meet the teachers and back to school clothes were on my list of what they would will miss out on.
   Today, it's 7am and my kids are still in bed, our school year hasn't started yet! We will start next week, I have been busy researching curriculum and ordering their books and supplies. When I first started homeschooling, I remember that I thought it was strange that other homeschool families didn't stay on track with the public schools, the start their school year, the start & end of the school day and vacation days. I soon realized that even though there needs to be structure and a daily routine, keeping up with the public schools just didn't make sense in my home. As of next week, our routine will kick in, with also allowing adjustments for a couple of classes that will be taught outside of my home this year.
   If you knew what goes on inside of my head, you would realize how much of a miracle it is, that I am homeschooling my children. As a child, I didn't apply myself in school, I just "got by". As I got older, I believed that I couldn't be successful in life because I didn't do well in school. My not doing well in school was the result of not applying myself, NOT because I wasn't smart enough but it took me a long time to realize that. When God told me that I needed to homeschool Olivia for kindergarten, I was like ok, I can do that but then he said, you have to homeschool Nick too. ugh!! Nick was in 7th grade and one of the smartest kids that I knew and the thought of teaching him intimidated me. I won't go into the problems we were having with the system and how he was doing in school because it really came down to God telling me to do something and I needed to obey. I didn't feel sure of my ability, some of the thoughts of not being smart because of my schooling still lingered in my head. I was pretty fearful but God kept assuring me that I had heard him right, so I made the leap into homeschooling both of my children. I can't say that we haven't struggled. You know the saying" If God lead you to it, he will lead you thru it"? Well, he has proven that saying true in so many ways. I am not equipped but God is. I don't have a degree in teaching but God told me that it's ok because I am sufficient. When I get the normal questions from family, friends & strangers about being sufficient, about not having a degree, about not doing it the way the public schools do or about being socially deprived, I hear God whisper, I called you to it, these are my plans that you are obeying and that kind of assurance helps me answer the questions. Hearing God constantly tell me that I am enough, over rides what I used to believe about myself and my ability and walking it out in obedience is a daily choice for me. I choose to believe that what he has called me to do will impact and mold my children for what he has in store for their future but I also believe that he uses this act of obedience to shape me, to mold me, to tell me daily that I am enough.
  
 


   
  

Drop your pointing fingers & open your arms

   It's funny how God will use a sermon & use it in a totally different way for you. Last Sunday, Larry Pate spoke on loving more, pointing your fingers less, to serve more and to "go out" for Jesus more. All week, I have prayed that God would show me where I point my fingers and boy has he answered! 
   I am sure we can all look back on our past & see how we have been molded. We can think back to something that we went through or a skill that we had to learn or a battle that we had to walk through, that has  either opened you up to being help others in that area or maybe you are using it in life today but never saw back then, how it could be used in your future. Joyce Meyers says, "let God turn your test into a testimony and your mess into a message". Can we look at our life daily or during a trial and say, "Lord, this is for my good & your glory (Janine Mangum quote) and I don't know why I am going through this or why I am having to learn this skill at this job that I can't stand but I am going to trust you enough to make the best of it and let you apply it later, if need be.
   I can surely look back on my life and see how I have been molded & I can also look back & see where my sins brought consequences that hindered what God was using to mold me. I can see how my photography is being used now to bless others and to help my finances now but what if I had gone through college and finished that journey. Imagine the lives that I could have touched, instead of living in shame & feeling like a failure in that area & storing that gift away, until I finally let God break those shackles. I can look at the years that I spent working in a preschool, teaching pre-k, at how it gave me helped give me have confidence with homeschooling when God called me to homeschool my children. I can also look at my Daddy and see how knowing who he was, has helped me have compassion and a more servant heart towards my husband because they share many of the same qualities.
   Can we as parents look into the daily lives of our children and see how they are being molded? Can we look at the struggles that our teens face, their battles of sin/weaknesses and say, "Lord, I am going to trust you, you hear my prayers, I am not going to control this area, I am going to trust that you are allowing this because it will help shape him/her"?  That's a hard one huh? I wonder if we stopped pointing our fingers & relate more, would their hearts be more willing to change? Yeah, probably so & I do try this but when the going gets tough, it's easier to point fingers and control right?
  Can we as spouses drop the expectations of our husband/wife and trust that God could be in the process of molding them? I wonder how  much freedom this would bring, if we could live that daily? If I could REALLY not just know but live it? If it's a job that they hate, that you are sick of hearing about, could we encourage them to hang in there because God might use that skill or even workplace for his kingdom & your spouse? If it's a sin or a struggle that they have, can we get over our own selves, stop pointing our fingers and pray and believe that God is strong enough to free them/us but maybe the walking out of this struggle, the dieing to flesh is exactly what God using to mold them/us? Would that help us to encourage, love and accept in a more compassionate way?
   I know there's a lot of questions in this blog, really this is just a bunch of thoughts & questions that I have jotted down, while trying to stop wrestling with my pointing finger & to trust God.
Lord, help me to love like you do, help to stop pointing my finger and open my arms, help me to trust you more and forgive me when I don't.