Matthew 8:10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.
It amazes me how Jesus can break through years of wrong thinking, in just a couple of days. I mean years of fear filled, right intentions with love at the core, based thinking. Leaving love & fear fighting over who would direct & guide.
After I posted my last blog, I sent it to my dear friend and mentor, Janine. She encouraged me as usual and as usual she gave me something to chew on. It was just as if Jesus was finishing his word to me about giving my son over to the Lord. She suggested that I look at my concerns and make sure that they aren't based on fear. SIGH... When I read her words, my heart sank. Fear? No, it's not fear it's that I am keeping him from walking a path that would lead him to a way of life that would be hard from him, it's that I am protecting him from harm, it's, it's it's....FEAR BETTY, I could almost hear Janine say those words, Betty it's fear.
After I was able to process what the Lord had brought to my eyes, I started looking up information on parenting with fear. The very 1st thing that I came upon didn't have anything to do with parenting with fear specifically, it was fear in general. I clicked on a link that I truly believe will be with me forever. I started reading the 1st chapter from the book Fearless, by Max Lucado. Then I watched the free sermon that was available for the 1st chapter. Oh my word at the truth that pierced my eyes and heart. The chapter was about Jesus in the boat with his disciples with the storm brewing. I can't even give a brief description of what all Max brought up, it was so much to process. There were so many powerful truths that I will be on the 1st chapter for a while.
A few things that God showed me, with huge neon signs I might add! Even though my intentions were right on trying to protect my son, I let fear turn into control. I let control turn into a God you could say, because even though I prayed about the situation, I still did not let go of control. I let the what if's of fear lead me to have, as Max Lucado describes, spiritual alzhiemers. Why couldn't I stop in the middle of the what if's and see what the Lord has done in ME? I was a wreck, most people are blown away when I tell them about the person I was in my past, yet I let fear in a little situation tell me this is on YOU Betty, YOU have to do something, control this Betty. Your sons future is at stake, you can't let him fail!!! Then I think about Hannah and she gave Samuel to Eli, to a house that Eli's own sons were horrible sinners, she still trusted the Lord and gave her son. Another thing that God showed me was that I lead my husband to this fearful way of thinking. A couple of years ago, Mike tried to tell me that I was fearful. He didn't use those words though, it almost seemed like he was saying you are over reacting and freaking out. When I look back now, I really should have stopped and prayed about what Mike said because I am sure the Lord would have showed me what Mike meant. Instead, I refused to listen to my husband and trust the Lord, Mike eventually gave up and joined me in my efforts to control. I actually repented to Mike about this when he got home from work yesterday.
God also spoke to me last night through the wisdom from our Care Group. Last night was our night to lead and Mike has been working late and working even later, remodeling our bathroom, so I asked him if I could show the video and have everyone talk about fear. I had seasoned parents that had to walk a hard road with their son that lead a crazy life for a few years. The son was also there with his family and he is also our Youth Pastor. God spoke through their experience as parents and one that walked the road as well. We also had another member there, that had witnessed these years and had seen God do powerful things in Trent's life.
What does this mean now? Do I have to change everything? Where do I start? To be honest I don't know. I do know that I am not jumping into anything, I am not making any changes without turning them over to the Lord. I know that there is balance, you can't go from one extreme to the other but I can't ignore the fact that I have to trust the Lord and remember that HE SAVED ME and if he can save a wretch like me, then HE WILL DO, AS HE SAID HE WOULD DO, HE WILL FINISH WHAT HE STARTED!! This is the point to where I am meditating on Matthew 8, the miracles that Jesus performed.Then the fact that while in the storm, his disciples, that had saw these miracles with their own eyes, totally forgot WHO HE WAS and what he could do, they let fear cause them to forget!
I am anxious to see where the Lord is taking me and where this will lead my parenting but I feel like he is saying, be still, take this all in and this is what I plan to do!
This brings a song to mind, Let Faith Arise!
Amen!
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