Fasting

John 10:10

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

We are about 2 weeks into our Fast of 2012. Up until a couple of days ago my heart was fully into it, then I stopped praying as much, which lead to other muck! It lead to doubt & lack in the purpose. Actually, last night I was laying in bed & felt God saying to me.... "But Betty, this is how you live, you stop relying on me & rely on your own understanding, you stop seeking my strength & you rely on your own, and you stop striving to be more like me & then you settle for less of the life that I have promised you". This could have lead into a "lets beat up on myself party" but I realized that God corrects in LOVE, he understands & wants better for me.
So, this morning I am lead to ponder why I stopped praying and relying on him. It brought me to what my husband shared at Church on Sunday. He was talking about pride, he said, "It's when we take HIM out of our daily life & put I I I I in it". He had also shared with me earlier in the week, that he thought that after the fast last year, that he struggled because he started saying I I I I am quitting this, I II I am handling this & that's the point where his power failed & his flesh won. This is exactly where I begin swaying, even on my fast. I feel like Ok, I have this, I can choose to eat better, I can choose to eat smaller portions and I can choose the amount of time that I put into my exercise. I do ok for a couple of days but then my flesh wants more! My flesh doesn't choose life, my flesh chooses those things that aren't good for me, my flesh wants more than I need and my flesh wants to sit on the couch or in front of the computer.
Today my prayer is that I can die to my flesh daily, moment by moment but I can't do it without prayer, I can't do it without his strength and I surely can't do it unless my heart believes that the abundant life is far better than what the wordly life is.