Last night my husband & I attended our monthly marriage class at church taught by Janine & Ted Mangum. We are using the book, "Love & War" and we have enjoyed this journey that the book has been taking us on. Last night we talked about the storms that hover over us, stopping to see the bigger picture, asking why we are in this storm instead of jumping the gun and reacting. Each meeting, we watch a short clip from a dvd & then separate, men with Ted & women with Janine. It is always so refreshing to hear the realness of others, how you aren't the only one or only couple facing issues. As we were going over the different topics that were discussed in the video & book, I noticed a heavy feeling. I noticed my head kept dropping & my eyes were glued to the floor. I was tired but it was more than that, I felt a strong conviction. In the book it said, how many fights start just because you are both worn out? A friend brought up the fact that she will start jabbing at her husband when she can't meet her perfect expectations of herself & she will realize that she has let her project take priority over her life, her husband and sometimes over God. Yes, this is exactly when my head dropped.
Last August, I went to deliver something to my dear friend, teacher and mentor Janine. She could see tiredness on me. She asked how I was doing. My response was, I am so glad Summer is over, I welcome our school schedule back because this Summer has been so busy. She then mentioned that I had posted on facebook in early Spring that I couldn't wait til Summer hit because I was so ready for a break, to slow down. She said, "when are you going to slow down girl?" Then of coarse, my school year was busy and here I am into Summer & even busier than last year.
A couple of weeks ago at Church, I felt so tired and weary. Mike & I had been at each others throats for weeks. I felt like I couldn't go on one more second, I needed comfort from the Lord. I got my friend Holly to pray for me. I cried and cried. I knew that it was because he & I were so tired. I received comfort and such a great word from Holly. I talked to Mike afterwards about everything and we started being more patient with each other, we started being nicer and we seemed to be enjoying each other more.
I realized last night that Mike & I keep putting band aids on our symptoms. We hurt each other from our words, from our actions and we get to a point to where we need to healing but we were just covering our wounds up again. We haven't been really looking at why we keep getting these wounds, so therefore we aren't addressing it correctly, nor giving it the right kind of medication. It's like an infected wound, you have to know what it is in order to make it go away. Last night God said, Why Betty, ask yourself why. I said, Ok God, why. Why do I put things before my husband, why do I run around crazy to help others, yet neglect my home, husband and own children. I felt like a balloon & God had just put a puncture in it to release the air. I have known that I needed to cut out things in my life, I really do have a desire to live more simple, to slow down but I justified my busy life by saying, it isn't in me to slow down, to say no. How do I do it, what do I cut out? Before last night, I had no idea, I would just stop at that point but God again said, Why Betty, Why are these things that keep you so busy so important?
When Mike & I got home from Church, we sat on our front porch, listening to the crickets and frogs, how much more peaceful can you get? We sat and talked about what God had spoke to us individually in our meetings. God had spoken the same thing to him. I told him of a few areas that I knew that I wanted to cut out or slow down. It was like we were both looking at this wound & saying no wonder we are feeling the pain and the sad part is that it is self inflicting. We sat and talked about our day. I remember looking up at him, almost like when we were dating, so interested in his day. I remember thinking, how long has it been that I have really wanted to "hear" him without thinking hurrying up, I need to get back to what I was doing.
I know that I still have issues to address, probably the main one is that God keeps saying Why Betty. Why why why.....do you feel the need to do so much.
I am almost done but I have to say that tomorrow night, we will have a kid free night, I have big plans...what? Didn't I just say to slow down? Well, my plans are simple, to be at home with my husband, celebrating our anniversary and to do something that I have wanted to do for years. I can't tell you now what it is but I am so excited and for you women that were in our meeting last night, it does NOT have to do with what two other certain women brought up! hahahah
Also a short update on Kelly, well, I will save that for another day. Terri is coming over soon to work in our garden. I will tell you that things are looking up for Kelly. I see God moving!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment