Matthew 8:10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.
It amazes me how Jesus can break through years of wrong thinking, in just a couple of days. I mean years of fear filled, right intentions with love at the core, based thinking. Leaving love & fear fighting over who would direct & guide.
After I posted my last blog, I sent it to my dear friend and mentor, Janine. She encouraged me as usual and as usual she gave me something to chew on. It was just as if Jesus was finishing his word to me about giving my son over to the Lord. She suggested that I look at my concerns and make sure that they aren't based on fear. SIGH... When I read her words, my heart sank. Fear? No, it's not fear it's that I am keeping him from walking a path that would lead him to a way of life that would be hard from him, it's that I am protecting him from harm, it's, it's it's....FEAR BETTY, I could almost hear Janine say those words, Betty it's fear.
After I was able to process what the Lord had brought to my eyes, I started looking up information on parenting with fear. The very 1st thing that I came upon didn't have anything to do with parenting with fear specifically, it was fear in general. I clicked on a link that I truly believe will be with me forever. I started reading the 1st chapter from the book Fearless, by Max Lucado. Then I watched the free sermon that was available for the 1st chapter. Oh my word at the truth that pierced my eyes and heart. The chapter was about Jesus in the boat with his disciples with the storm brewing. I can't even give a brief description of what all Max brought up, it was so much to process. There were so many powerful truths that I will be on the 1st chapter for a while.
A few things that God showed me, with huge neon signs I might add! Even though my intentions were right on trying to protect my son, I let fear turn into control. I let control turn into a God you could say, because even though I prayed about the situation, I still did not let go of control. I let the what if's of fear lead me to have, as Max Lucado describes, spiritual alzhiemers. Why couldn't I stop in the middle of the what if's and see what the Lord has done in ME? I was a wreck, most people are blown away when I tell them about the person I was in my past, yet I let fear in a little situation tell me this is on YOU Betty, YOU have to do something, control this Betty. Your sons future is at stake, you can't let him fail!!! Then I think about Hannah and she gave Samuel to Eli, to a house that Eli's own sons were horrible sinners, she still trusted the Lord and gave her son. Another thing that God showed me was that I lead my husband to this fearful way of thinking. A couple of years ago, Mike tried to tell me that I was fearful. He didn't use those words though, it almost seemed like he was saying you are over reacting and freaking out. When I look back now, I really should have stopped and prayed about what Mike said because I am sure the Lord would have showed me what Mike meant. Instead, I refused to listen to my husband and trust the Lord, Mike eventually gave up and joined me in my efforts to control. I actually repented to Mike about this when he got home from work yesterday.
God also spoke to me last night through the wisdom from our Care Group. Last night was our night to lead and Mike has been working late and working even later, remodeling our bathroom, so I asked him if I could show the video and have everyone talk about fear. I had seasoned parents that had to walk a hard road with their son that lead a crazy life for a few years. The son was also there with his family and he is also our Youth Pastor. God spoke through their experience as parents and one that walked the road as well. We also had another member there, that had witnessed these years and had seen God do powerful things in Trent's life.
What does this mean now? Do I have to change everything? Where do I start? To be honest I don't know. I do know that I am not jumping into anything, I am not making any changes without turning them over to the Lord. I know that there is balance, you can't go from one extreme to the other but I can't ignore the fact that I have to trust the Lord and remember that HE SAVED ME and if he can save a wretch like me, then HE WILL DO, AS HE SAID HE WOULD DO, HE WILL FINISH WHAT HE STARTED!! This is the point to where I am meditating on Matthew 8, the miracles that Jesus performed.Then the fact that while in the storm, his disciples, that had saw these miracles with their own eyes, totally forgot WHO HE WAS and what he could do, they let fear cause them to forget!
I am anxious to see where the Lord is taking me and where this will lead my parenting but I feel like he is saying, be still, take this all in and this is what I plan to do!
This brings a song to mind, Let Faith Arise!
Amen!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
I give you my child
One of the Books of the Bible that has always captured me is the book of Samuel. I couldn't say exactly, what it is about this book that captures me because it reveals so much about Samuel, Saul, David & Johnathan and I am sure there are many more that I am not thinking of right now. There's love, covenants, war, protection, promises and provision. I find myself going to this book a lot, it's a familiar place that I can go & even though I know it so well, I always find new things, like little notes from the Lord that are "just" for me"!
For a while now, Mike & I have been been at our breaking point with an issue with our teenage son. There is this "one" thing and I won't go into details, it really doesn't seem like a big deal to many but it could turn into something, if it is not dealt with. It is something that could shape who he is & cause problems for him as he gets older. Actually, some people probably think we are overboard but even the smallest weakness in our lives can grow & change us. I am telling you all of this, to show you how the Lord has spoken to me this morning through 1st Samuel, giving instruction & encouragement in this area.
In 1st Samuel, chapter one, it tells about a desperate wife by the name Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, she watched another wife have many children, this other wife laughed and provoked Hannah for many years. Hannah mourned, pleaded in prayer and went to the Altar of the Lord for mercy. She told Eli, the Priest about her burden and Eli asked the Lord to bless her with a child. In return, Hannah dedicated the son back to the Lord.
When we think dedicated, we think about our little baby, dressed in white, surrounded by family, getting sprinkled with water and prayed for by our Pastors. This wasn't the case for Hannah! Once the child, Samuel, was weaned, Hannah took him back to Eli, just as she had vowed to the Lord. This part used to really get me, she wanted a child so badly but even in her plea for a child, she vowed to give this unborn, not yet conceived child, back to the Lord. I don't think I have fully grasped on to this totally, it is probably my own selfishness that keeps me from understanding it fully.
This morning, as I "again" read about Hannah dedicating Samuel, the Lord spoke to me. It was at the point of where Hannah walks away, leaving her son with Eli. I finally got it!! She was able to give back to the Lord, because he was so gracious to give to her. How could she not keep a vow, after he did such a miracle in her. She was able to walk away because she had full trust in the Lord because not only did he give her the desires of her heart but he trusted her with a child. Now it didn't say that she felt or knew that this child would grow up to be used to raise future leaders, kings even!! Nor did it say that she knew that he would be a prophet. In verse 27-28 it says,
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD
Now to go on and read of who Samuel became and how he was used has always amazed me. However, this morning, I am in awe of Hannah!!! It says that each year at their annual sacrifice, she would take Samuel a coat that she had made for him, can you imagine how proud she was, year after year, seeing her baby grow into this man of God?
So in my awe this morning, God said, "wait, don't forget about the Dad, get ALL of this Betty". So I went back yet again & read this chapter.
21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.” 23 “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.”
This is a man that has many other children by another wife. This is also the husband that watched Hannah cry and hurt for so many years because she couldn't have a child. I didn't know Elkanah but I know that most husbands want to give their wives what they want, they hate to see us hurting and desperate. On top of this, he was still the father, sure he had other children but it was still a beloved child of his.
It didn't say that the Lord spoke to Elkanah or that Elkanah had made a vow to the Lord about his child. It said that he stood by the vow that his wife made with the Lord. It also said, he chose to respect his wife in her decision on timing of the dedication. It showed a husband and wife in full unity with each other and the Lord, over the future of their child and his future.
This has given me strength to stand strong & stand with my husband, to not be lead by my feelings but to be lead in Wisdom from the Lord. It reminded me of the unity that I have felt lately with the choices in our parenting that I have felt with Mike. It has opened my weak eyes to the bigger picture of what the Lord is doing. The Lord is raising up a son, his name is Nicholas and he is not only using Mike & I but other leaders. The Lord constantly shows us, in perfect timing, when things need to be addressed. The Lord has said, "You can trust me, for Nick is mine too Betty, I have plans for him, this little weakness of his will be broken and used for my Glory one day". Refocus and trust, don't loose sight of this area but refocus enough to see the bigger picture so that you won't loose hope".
For a while now, Mike & I have been been at our breaking point with an issue with our teenage son. There is this "one" thing and I won't go into details, it really doesn't seem like a big deal to many but it could turn into something, if it is not dealt with. It is something that could shape who he is & cause problems for him as he gets older. Actually, some people probably think we are overboard but even the smallest weakness in our lives can grow & change us. I am telling you all of this, to show you how the Lord has spoken to me this morning through 1st Samuel, giving instruction & encouragement in this area.
In 1st Samuel, chapter one, it tells about a desperate wife by the name Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, she watched another wife have many children, this other wife laughed and provoked Hannah for many years. Hannah mourned, pleaded in prayer and went to the Altar of the Lord for mercy. She told Eli, the Priest about her burden and Eli asked the Lord to bless her with a child. In return, Hannah dedicated the son back to the Lord.
When we think dedicated, we think about our little baby, dressed in white, surrounded by family, getting sprinkled with water and prayed for by our Pastors. This wasn't the case for Hannah! Once the child, Samuel, was weaned, Hannah took him back to Eli, just as she had vowed to the Lord. This part used to really get me, she wanted a child so badly but even in her plea for a child, she vowed to give this unborn, not yet conceived child, back to the Lord. I don't think I have fully grasped on to this totally, it is probably my own selfishness that keeps me from understanding it fully.
This morning, as I "again" read about Hannah dedicating Samuel, the Lord spoke to me. It was at the point of where Hannah walks away, leaving her son with Eli. I finally got it!! She was able to give back to the Lord, because he was so gracious to give to her. How could she not keep a vow, after he did such a miracle in her. She was able to walk away because she had full trust in the Lord because not only did he give her the desires of her heart but he trusted her with a child. Now it didn't say that she felt or knew that this child would grow up to be used to raise future leaders, kings even!! Nor did it say that she knew that he would be a prophet. In verse 27-28 it says,
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD
Now to go on and read of who Samuel became and how he was used has always amazed me. However, this morning, I am in awe of Hannah!!! It says that each year at their annual sacrifice, she would take Samuel a coat that she had made for him, can you imagine how proud she was, year after year, seeing her baby grow into this man of God?
So in my awe this morning, God said, "wait, don't forget about the Dad, get ALL of this Betty". So I went back yet again & read this chapter.
21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.” 23 “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.”
This is a man that has many other children by another wife. This is also the husband that watched Hannah cry and hurt for so many years because she couldn't have a child. I didn't know Elkanah but I know that most husbands want to give their wives what they want, they hate to see us hurting and desperate. On top of this, he was still the father, sure he had other children but it was still a beloved child of his.
It didn't say that the Lord spoke to Elkanah or that Elkanah had made a vow to the Lord about his child. It said that he stood by the vow that his wife made with the Lord. It also said, he chose to respect his wife in her decision on timing of the dedication. It showed a husband and wife in full unity with each other and the Lord, over the future of their child and his future.
This has given me strength to stand strong & stand with my husband, to not be lead by my feelings but to be lead in Wisdom from the Lord. It reminded me of the unity that I have felt lately with the choices in our parenting that I have felt with Mike. It has opened my weak eyes to the bigger picture of what the Lord is doing. The Lord is raising up a son, his name is Nicholas and he is not only using Mike & I but other leaders. The Lord constantly shows us, in perfect timing, when things need to be addressed. The Lord has said, "You can trust me, for Nick is mine too Betty, I have plans for him, this little weakness of his will be broken and used for my Glory one day". Refocus and trust, don't loose sight of this area but refocus enough to see the bigger picture so that you won't loose hope".
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
what consumes me
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).
Having a teenage son seems like a war at times. Don't get me wrong, my son really is a good one, goodhearted, a giver, one who takes up for the underdog and many more notable traits. The waring that I am referring to comes mainly from obsessions that consumes his mind. It seems like if you take one away, it is easily replaced by another and then another. I can give scripture and wise counsel on how the lack of balance and self-control can entangle him, to find himself in a place that he would have never expected to be in.
I have been there myself, I have woken up and been so ashamed at the person that I let my bad choices mold me into. It doesn't always have to be BAD things that consumes us, it can be a simple thing like my photography, something that I love, something that God broke chains of freedom with. However, when that gets out of balance, I wake up and realize that my house is in ruins, my laundry is piled up, my husband feels neglected, my children are doing who knows what!!
Why is this? I think its a search most of the time. A fulfillment, something to fill my time, something to fill my confidence, someone to fill my ego and or neediness, and the list goes on. Why do we seek these things from anyone/thing other than God? Do we not believe what his word says? I can give counsel to my son because I can see how a phone can consume him, texting all day and night to one certain person. Yet, my own flesh justifies the things that consumes me!!!
How can I expect to be an example of balance, self-control and wisdom, if I am not listening to God and obeying him. It puts all things in perspective, when you ask the question, does THIS "thing/person" cause lack in areas of my life that should be my priority. Does this "thing/person" interfere with who/what God has called me to be and or do? It makes things like FACEBOOK seem to petty, why in the world would I let an internet social/drama/brag page cause me to ignore my loved ones, my role as a wife and my calling? Where is the balance, why am I seeking fulfillment from something like this? This isn't just about facebook, it's anything that causes distraction, that I allow to consume me.
God has spoken, yet again and I am thankful!!!
Having a teenage son seems like a war at times. Don't get me wrong, my son really is a good one, goodhearted, a giver, one who takes up for the underdog and many more notable traits. The waring that I am referring to comes mainly from obsessions that consumes his mind. It seems like if you take one away, it is easily replaced by another and then another. I can give scripture and wise counsel on how the lack of balance and self-control can entangle him, to find himself in a place that he would have never expected to be in.
I have been there myself, I have woken up and been so ashamed at the person that I let my bad choices mold me into. It doesn't always have to be BAD things that consumes us, it can be a simple thing like my photography, something that I love, something that God broke chains of freedom with. However, when that gets out of balance, I wake up and realize that my house is in ruins, my laundry is piled up, my husband feels neglected, my children are doing who knows what!!
Why is this? I think its a search most of the time. A fulfillment, something to fill my time, something to fill my confidence, someone to fill my ego and or neediness, and the list goes on. Why do we seek these things from anyone/thing other than God? Do we not believe what his word says? I can give counsel to my son because I can see how a phone can consume him, texting all day and night to one certain person. Yet, my own flesh justifies the things that consumes me!!!
How can I expect to be an example of balance, self-control and wisdom, if I am not listening to God and obeying him. It puts all things in perspective, when you ask the question, does THIS "thing/person" cause lack in areas of my life that should be my priority. Does this "thing/person" interfere with who/what God has called me to be and or do? It makes things like FACEBOOK seem to petty, why in the world would I let an internet social/drama/brag page cause me to ignore my loved ones, my role as a wife and my calling? Where is the balance, why am I seeking fulfillment from something like this? This isn't just about facebook, it's anything that causes distraction, that I allow to consume me.
God has spoken, yet again and I am thankful!!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tidbits
Phillipians 4-7
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Prayer & Fasting, prayer & fasting, prayer & fasting!!! I have to admit during this fast, I have had times that I have just done without. I gave up but I didn't pray. Those times have been my worse because quickly my focus jumped from the reasons why I am sacrificing to justifying my reasons why I can have my own way. Battling the flesh, battling my way, especially in my fast this year, has really opened my eyes to how much I justify my way instead of conforming to HIS way.4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I am so thankful for the little tidbits! God gives them to us in so many ways, I think sometimes God gives them to us through the revelation of others. Last week, I got one from my Pastor, Freddie Brown, and I replays in my mind in the very most perfect moment, in the midst of my weakness. I get them from songs, sometimes it's just 4 little words(WE Delare Your Glory), I get them from my husband, from my children and my soul gets refreshed daily because I know that they are from God.
I don't think my Pastor would care if I shared what God spoke to him, of which God used to speak to me. This is coming during our Fast with God. Brother Freddie is working on aligning his body up with Gods plan for it. He said before he eats or is hungry, he says, "God I am submitting my body to you". Those 8 words, are words that I use, true enough, it's words but more than that, it's a prayer, it's a declaration, it's declaring HIS Glory over my physical body. I believe God wanted me to hear this, coming from a man that I is bold enough to share, obey and submit, therefore in that, I am encouraged to let God conform my old ways of thinking into a new way. At times, I have to say these words, this prayer of declaration and sometimes plea for strength and recite Phillipians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. I am not sure but I think, every time that I say these words, I have victory. I know for sure that I can think of times that I have failed in my fast and when I didn't pray, I have lost. Why? Because I didn't choose to pray, submit and obey the Lord.
Last week I also got a tidbit from a Bible study that is being led by Janine Mangum. In the study it said, start where you are, that means taking the next positive step that is right in front of you & take it, in other words, do the next right thing. The last 5 words have encouraged me all week, DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING! Can't I do the next right thing? NO, not if I don't pray and submit. Sure the Lord gives us strength & I don't think that I have to stop before every daily decision to pray because the Lord gives us Wisdom and our Holy Spirit helps guide us but until our strongholds are broken, we have to rely on him. If we fail to fully say, this is a weakness of mine, this is an area in my life that I can not rely on myself, I can not make the right choice on my own, until we have had a break through, we have to stop and pray!
Last but not least, rejoice!! Ack!! No, I don't think rejoicing is bad, it's fun but ackkkk at the fact that I have not been rejoicing in my victories!! I have moaned and had the "I can't have this blues, or gosh I want one of those blues". Instead, can't I say, Oh thank you Lord for the life that you are adding life to my years by showing me how my physical health needs to be changed. Can't I say, Thank you Lord for showing me that with you, I can fight and win the biggest stronghold that had put it's claim on my body? From this day forward, I am changing my blues to praises!! I will sing his praises!!! Can't I walk around singing this song?
Look what the Lord has done
Look what the Lord has done
He healed my body, He touched my mind
He saved me just in time
I'm gonna praise His name
Each day is just the same
Come on and praise Him
Look what the Lord has done.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Fasting
John 10:10
New International Version (NIV)
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
So, this morning I am lead to ponder why I stopped praying and relying on him. It brought me to what my husband shared at Church on Sunday. He was talking about pride, he said, "It's when we take HIM out of our daily life & put I I I I in it". He had also shared with me earlier in the week, that he thought that after the fast last year, that he struggled because he started saying I I I I am quitting this, I II I am handling this & that's the point where his power failed & his flesh won. This is exactly where I begin swaying, even on my fast. I feel like Ok, I have this, I can choose to eat better, I can choose to eat smaller portions and I can choose the amount of time that I put into my exercise. I do ok for a couple of days but then my flesh wants more! My flesh doesn't choose life, my flesh chooses those things that aren't good for me, my flesh wants more than I need and my flesh wants to sit on the couch or in front of the computer.
Today my prayer is that I can die to my flesh daily, moment by moment but I can't do it without prayer, I can't do it without his strength and I surely can't do it unless my heart believes that the abundant life is far better than what the wordly life is.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
What does it mean to dance
I find it funny when people jokingly say, "I am just waiting for (insert name here) to start running down the isle at Church dancing". Typically the saying is meant in a joking, almost mocking way & that is what I find funny but not funny as in agreement with them. In all of my years at Church, I have only seen a few that have actually did this but I find the saying funny because it I can't imagine being that FREE!!! There is a song that says, "I am Free to Dance", these people can truly sing this song, while the mockers will sing this song with their hands in their pockets. Now I am in noway saying I think we should all be running around dancing at Church and I am not saying that all that do dance, are doing it for God & not making a scene for themselves, I am just saying, WoW at the Freedom to dance!!
I say Wow because there is something that distracts me from worshiping God in a physical way. It's my weight. I have let the desires of my flesh or really of my mouth, hinder how I worship. I am so cautious of my weight and body that sometimes it is a distraction in my worship. Thoughts will pop up, is this shirt covering my hips when I raise my hands, are the tops of my arms covered, and more things of this nature. Now I am not saying this is my every thought. I do push forward, I do say no to those thoughts & I still worship. I will not allow it to keep me from the presence of the Lord. I just know that anything that hinders my walk & worship should be addressed.
So today the Lord lead me back to my journals that I kept during our Pastors conference in 2011. The theme for the conference had nothing to do with dancing but many speakers talked about dancing. Some of the things that were said were:
You have to dance, to live in Awe Greg Serrat
Sin will steal your dance, when you don't confess your sins, you don't feel like dancing, Greg Serrat
Dance & enjoy life, life is too short to hold on to "things & people", Ann Lipscomb
Don't get me wrong, this blog isn't about me feeling sorry for myself or that I am depressed & have no self worth because of my weight. I am not walking around daily thinking, Oh my Gosh Betty, you are so fat! It's just the fact that I know that I was meant to be FREE!! Eve was naked, how much more freeing could GOD have made us? We were meant to be so free that we could walk around naked, yet fully layered in clothing, I want to hide parts of my body while worshiping!!
So what am I doing about this, besides blogging? I am choosing life!! We are in our Fast at Church & I have given up many things that I normally have each day aren't healthy for me, and I am choosing to pray instead of having these things. I am praying that this isn't about pounds, that it isn't about my body being pleasing to me but that my choices for my health will line up with and bless the plans that the Lord has for my life. I don't want my choices to be distracted or restricted because of my health. If when I am 70yrs old, a teen that likes to walk, needs a Godly walking partner & mentor, I want to be able to be that person. If when my daughter is my age & has 3 kids (yes that is her plan not mine ha) and she wants to go visit Betsie Mac in Thailand (yes her plans too) I want to be able to say, yes I can keep your kids for 2 weeks while you go Minister to the lost. Instead of saying, it is hard for me to get up & down with the kids, my knees won't allow me to run after them..... Ya know, it's things like this that I want to be able to do in my future because being able to do these things will make me want to dance & rejoice!!!
So really it's not about dancing, it's about freedom! My prayers each day always start out with Lord help me reclaim my health because I want to be free.
This song is in my heart today
I am Free, by the Newsboys
Through you the blind will see
Through Through you the dead will rise
Through you the mute will sing
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free
I AM FREE TO RUN
(I AM FREE TO RUN)
I AM FREE TO DANCE
(I AM FREE TO DANCE)
I AM FREE TO LIVE FOR YOU
(I AM FREE TO LIVE FOR YOU)
I AM FREE
(I AM FREE)
YES I AM FREE
(I AM FREE)
Through you the kingdom comes
Through you the battle's won
Through you I'm not afraid
Through you the price is paid
Through you there's victory
Because of you my heart sings
I am free
Yes, I am free
Through you the dead will rise
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free
I AM FREE TO RUN
(I AM FREE TO RUN)
I AM FREE TO DANCE
(I AM FREE TO DANCE
I say Wow because there is something that distracts me from worshiping God in a physical way. It's my weight. I have let the desires of my flesh or really of my mouth, hinder how I worship. I am so cautious of my weight and body that sometimes it is a distraction in my worship. Thoughts will pop up, is this shirt covering my hips when I raise my hands, are the tops of my arms covered, and more things of this nature. Now I am not saying this is my every thought. I do push forward, I do say no to those thoughts & I still worship. I will not allow it to keep me from the presence of the Lord. I just know that anything that hinders my walk & worship should be addressed.
So today the Lord lead me back to my journals that I kept during our Pastors conference in 2011. The theme for the conference had nothing to do with dancing but many speakers talked about dancing. Some of the things that were said were:
You have to dance, to live in Awe Greg Serrat
Sin will steal your dance, when you don't confess your sins, you don't feel like dancing, Greg Serrat
Dance & enjoy life, life is too short to hold on to "things & people", Ann Lipscomb
Don't get me wrong, this blog isn't about me feeling sorry for myself or that I am depressed & have no self worth because of my weight. I am not walking around daily thinking, Oh my Gosh Betty, you are so fat! It's just the fact that I know that I was meant to be FREE!! Eve was naked, how much more freeing could GOD have made us? We were meant to be so free that we could walk around naked, yet fully layered in clothing, I want to hide parts of my body while worshiping!!
So what am I doing about this, besides blogging? I am choosing life!! We are in our Fast at Church & I have given up many things that I normally have each day aren't healthy for me, and I am choosing to pray instead of having these things. I am praying that this isn't about pounds, that it isn't about my body being pleasing to me but that my choices for my health will line up with and bless the plans that the Lord has for my life. I don't want my choices to be distracted or restricted because of my health. If when I am 70yrs old, a teen that likes to walk, needs a Godly walking partner & mentor, I want to be able to be that person. If when my daughter is my age & has 3 kids (yes that is her plan not mine ha) and she wants to go visit Betsie Mac in Thailand (yes her plans too) I want to be able to say, yes I can keep your kids for 2 weeks while you go Minister to the lost. Instead of saying, it is hard for me to get up & down with the kids, my knees won't allow me to run after them..... Ya know, it's things like this that I want to be able to do in my future because being able to do these things will make me want to dance & rejoice!!!
So really it's not about dancing, it's about freedom! My prayers each day always start out with Lord help me reclaim my health because I want to be free.
This song is in my heart today
I am Free, by the Newsboys
Through you the blind will see
Through Through you the dead will rise
Through you the mute will sing
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free
I AM FREE TO RUN
(I AM FREE TO RUN)
I AM FREE TO DANCE
(I AM FREE TO DANCE)
I AM FREE TO LIVE FOR YOU
(I AM FREE TO LIVE FOR YOU)
I AM FREE
(I AM FREE)
YES I AM FREE
(I AM FREE)
Through you the kingdom comes
Through you the battle's won
Through you I'm not afraid
Through you the price is paid
Through you there's victory
Because of you my heart sings
I am free
Yes, I am free
Through you the dead will rise
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free
Yes, I am free
I AM FREE TO RUN
(I AM FREE TO RUN)
I AM FREE TO DANCE
(I AM FREE TO DANCE
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