Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a
gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.
Last week after I left a doctors appointment I had to kill time until I could meet a lady to buy a book, so I decided to have a late lunch, all by myself. I went to a little Mexican place that I rarely eat at, they have the BEST chips and I couldn't wait to eat some. It was around 2, so the place wasn't busy at all. The lady sat me a couple of tables over from a group of 7 or so people, they seemed to have been there for a while, just talking & laughing. You could tell by appearance that the people at the table were Christians, well, I couldn't see their hearts but again, by their clothes & hair, I felt sure that they were Christians. I ordered my food & decide that I needed to eat slow, so that I could waste time until the meeting.
As I am sitting there enjoying my meal, my ears start hearing the conversations from the group across from me and all of a sudden, my chips didn't taste as good. I started to hear phrases about other preachers, not totally bad ones but they seemed pretty judgmental. I also heard about certain people that weren't in church & how they would never change and the tithing topic got brought up as well. I was appalled to hear these conversations so loudly and in public, from what it seemed to be pastors and or leaders. I wondered if the other family that was sitting near this group, were Christians and if so or even if not, was this kind of talk turning them off? A voice in me kept saying, you know, you should say something to these people on your way out! As I am sitting there, thinking these thoughts, I realized how much judgement I was placing on this group!!! Would I have listened as closely if I couldn't tell that they were Christians? I didn't know if these people had bent over backwards to help the families that they were talking about & maybe they were just at a lost as to what to do. Who was I to judge their judgements? Had I not had some of these very conversations myself? You know, I don't know if what they were saying was just gossip, discernment or just talking problems out but what I do know is that it affected me. It made me loose my appetite! It made me start thinking about what I say, not only in a public place like that for everyone to hear but also on the phone with just a friend or in front of my kids. I don't want others to feel what I felt that day. Sure we need to talk & be discerning and we need to make judgements about certain people and issues so that we can know how to address situations. The one thing that hit me though is that if you aren't covering the people or situation in prayer, if you are just talking & not praying, it probably shouldn't be coming out of your...MY... mouth!! This includes family...ugh.... yes friends & family members that just can't get it together, that choose to live foolishly. You know the ones that drive you insane with always living in drama and a full blown crazy cycle that they choose to live in? Yeah, so God has really told me to watch my mouth!! Watch it because my words can affect & infect people. Instead of venting about how wrong this or that person is, I am choosing to let it out to God. I want my words to represent Christ. Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Lord, help me to watch my mouth, even if that means to talk less, even if that means that I need to learn to bite my tongue, even if that means that I might not get my .02cents in! Help me to to talk my judgments out to you & depend on you for clarity & direction! You, my redeemer, are my defender, your defense carries more power than my words, remind me to always allow you to defend my honor and should I have to speak, make judgments or even take action, help me to do these things through you!!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Teacher, say what?
Has God called you to do something that you are feel that you aren't equipped to do?
Hebrews 13:20-21
Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21 equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
This week, most of our area public schools have started their new school year. They have had their "meet the teacher" nights, stores have boomed with everyone shopping for back to school clothes & backpacks and the back to school pictures are constantly being put on the net from moms. I remember being a child & how exciting the first day back to school was and I also remember being a mom of a public school child & his many first days of school. I remember when God called me to homeschool my children, thinking of the many things that they would miss out on, the first day, meet the teachers and back to school clothes were on my list of what they would will miss out on.
Today, it's 7am and my kids are still in bed, our school year hasn't started yet! We will start next week, I have been busy researching curriculum and ordering their books and supplies. When I first started homeschooling, I remember that I thought it was strange that other homeschool families didn't stay on track with the public schools, the start their school year, the start & end of the school day and vacation days. I soon realized that even though there needs to be structure and a daily routine, keeping up with the public schools just didn't make sense in my home. As of next week, our routine will kick in, with also allowing adjustments for a couple of classes that will be taught outside of my home this year.
If you knew what goes on inside of my head, you would realize how much of a miracle it is, that I am homeschooling my children. As a child, I didn't apply myself in school, I just "got by". As I got older, I believed that I couldn't be successful in life because I didn't do well in school. My not doing well in school was the result of not applying myself, NOT because I wasn't smart enough but it took me a long time to realize that. When God told me that I needed to homeschool Olivia for kindergarten, I was like ok, I can do that but then he said, you have to homeschool Nick too. ugh!! Nick was in 7th grade and one of the smartest kids that I knew and the thought of teaching him intimidated me. I won't go into the problems we were having with the system and how he was doing in school because it really came down to God telling me to do something and I needed to obey. I didn't feel sure of my ability, some of the thoughts of not being smart because of my schooling still lingered in my head. I was pretty fearful but God kept assuring me that I had heard him right, so I made the leap into homeschooling both of my children. I can't say that we haven't struggled. You know the saying" If God lead you to it, he will lead you thru it"? Well, he has proven that saying true in so many ways. I am not equipped but God is. I don't have a degree in teaching but God told me that it's ok because I am sufficient. When I get the normal questions from family, friends & strangers about being sufficient, about not having a degree, about not doing it the way the public schools do or about being socially deprived, I hear God whisper, I called you to it, these are my plans that you are obeying and that kind of assurance helps me answer the questions. Hearing God constantly tell me that I am enough, over rides what I used to believe about myself and my ability and walking it out in obedience is a daily choice for me. I choose to believe that what he has called me to do will impact and mold my children for what he has in store for their future but I also believe that he uses this act of obedience to shape me, to mold me, to tell me daily that I am enough.
Hebrews 13:20-21
Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, 21 equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
This week, most of our area public schools have started their new school year. They have had their "meet the teacher" nights, stores have boomed with everyone shopping for back to school clothes & backpacks and the back to school pictures are constantly being put on the net from moms. I remember being a child & how exciting the first day back to school was and I also remember being a mom of a public school child & his many first days of school. I remember when God called me to homeschool my children, thinking of the many things that they would miss out on, the first day, meet the teachers and back to school clothes were on my list of what they would will miss out on.
Today, it's 7am and my kids are still in bed, our school year hasn't started yet! We will start next week, I have been busy researching curriculum and ordering their books and supplies. When I first started homeschooling, I remember that I thought it was strange that other homeschool families didn't stay on track with the public schools, the start their school year, the start & end of the school day and vacation days. I soon realized that even though there needs to be structure and a daily routine, keeping up with the public schools just didn't make sense in my home. As of next week, our routine will kick in, with also allowing adjustments for a couple of classes that will be taught outside of my home this year.
If you knew what goes on inside of my head, you would realize how much of a miracle it is, that I am homeschooling my children. As a child, I didn't apply myself in school, I just "got by". As I got older, I believed that I couldn't be successful in life because I didn't do well in school. My not doing well in school was the result of not applying myself, NOT because I wasn't smart enough but it took me a long time to realize that. When God told me that I needed to homeschool Olivia for kindergarten, I was like ok, I can do that but then he said, you have to homeschool Nick too. ugh!! Nick was in 7th grade and one of the smartest kids that I knew and the thought of teaching him intimidated me. I won't go into the problems we were having with the system and how he was doing in school because it really came down to God telling me to do something and I needed to obey. I didn't feel sure of my ability, some of the thoughts of not being smart because of my schooling still lingered in my head. I was pretty fearful but God kept assuring me that I had heard him right, so I made the leap into homeschooling both of my children. I can't say that we haven't struggled. You know the saying" If God lead you to it, he will lead you thru it"? Well, he has proven that saying true in so many ways. I am not equipped but God is. I don't have a degree in teaching but God told me that it's ok because I am sufficient. When I get the normal questions from family, friends & strangers about being sufficient, about not having a degree, about not doing it the way the public schools do or about being socially deprived, I hear God whisper, I called you to it, these are my plans that you are obeying and that kind of assurance helps me answer the questions. Hearing God constantly tell me that I am enough, over rides what I used to believe about myself and my ability and walking it out in obedience is a daily choice for me. I choose to believe that what he has called me to do will impact and mold my children for what he has in store for their future but I also believe that he uses this act of obedience to shape me, to mold me, to tell me daily that I am enough.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Drop your pointing fingers & open your arms
It's funny how God will use a sermon & use it in a totally different way for you. Last Sunday, Larry Pate spoke on loving more, pointing your fingers less, to serve more and to "go out" for Jesus more. All week, I have prayed that God would show me where I point my fingers and boy has he answered!
I am sure we can all look back on our past & see how we have been molded. We can think back to something that we went through or a skill that we had to learn or a battle that we had to walk through, that has either opened you up to being help others in that area or maybe you are using it in life today but never saw back then, how it could be used in your future. Joyce Meyers says, "let God turn your test into a testimony and your mess into a message". Can we look at our life daily or during a trial and say, "Lord, this is for my good & your glory (Janine Mangum quote) and I don't know why I am going through this or why I am having to learn this skill at this job that I can't stand but I am going to trust you enough to make the best of it and let you apply it later, if need be.
I can surely look back on my life and see how I have been molded & I can also look back & see where my sins brought consequences that hindered what God was using to mold me. I can see how my photography is being used now to bless others and to help my finances now but what if I had gone through college and finished that journey. Imagine the lives that I could have touched, instead of living in shame & feeling like a failure in that area & storing that gift away, until I finally let God break those shackles. I can look at the years that I spent working in a preschool, teaching pre-k, at how it gave me helped give me have confidence with homeschooling when God called me to homeschool my children. I can also look at my Daddy and see how knowing who he was, has helped me have compassion and a more servant heart towards my husband because they share many of the same qualities.
Can we as parents look into the daily lives of our children and see how they are being molded? Can we look at the struggles that our teens face, their battles of sin/weaknesses and say, "Lord, I am going to trust you, you hear my prayers, I am not going to control this area, I am going to trust that you are allowing this because it will help shape him/her"? That's a hard one huh? I wonder if we stopped pointing our fingers & relate more, would their hearts be more willing to change? Yeah, probably so & I do try this but when the going gets tough, it's easier to point fingers and control right?
Can we as spouses drop the expectations of our husband/wife and trust that God could be in the process of molding them? I wonder how much freedom this would bring, if we could live that daily? If I could REALLY not just know but live it? If it's a job that they hate, that you are sick of hearing about, could we encourage them to hang in there because God might use that skill or even workplace for his kingdom & your spouse? If it's a sin or a struggle that they have, can we get over our own selves, stop pointing our fingers and pray and believe that God is strong enough to free them/us but maybe the walking out of this struggle, the dieing to flesh is exactly what God using to mold them/us? Would that help us to encourage, love and accept in a more compassionate way?
I know there's a lot of questions in this blog, really this is just a bunch of thoughts & questions that I have jotted down, while trying to stop wrestling with my pointing finger & to trust God.
Lord, help me to love like you do, help to stop pointing my finger and open my arms, help me to trust you more and forgive me when I don't.
I am sure we can all look back on our past & see how we have been molded. We can think back to something that we went through or a skill that we had to learn or a battle that we had to walk through, that has either opened you up to being help others in that area or maybe you are using it in life today but never saw back then, how it could be used in your future. Joyce Meyers says, "let God turn your test into a testimony and your mess into a message". Can we look at our life daily or during a trial and say, "Lord, this is for my good & your glory (Janine Mangum quote) and I don't know why I am going through this or why I am having to learn this skill at this job that I can't stand but I am going to trust you enough to make the best of it and let you apply it later, if need be.
I can surely look back on my life and see how I have been molded & I can also look back & see where my sins brought consequences that hindered what God was using to mold me. I can see how my photography is being used now to bless others and to help my finances now but what if I had gone through college and finished that journey. Imagine the lives that I could have touched, instead of living in shame & feeling like a failure in that area & storing that gift away, until I finally let God break those shackles. I can look at the years that I spent working in a preschool, teaching pre-k, at how it gave me helped give me have confidence with homeschooling when God called me to homeschool my children. I can also look at my Daddy and see how knowing who he was, has helped me have compassion and a more servant heart towards my husband because they share many of the same qualities.
Can we as parents look into the daily lives of our children and see how they are being molded? Can we look at the struggles that our teens face, their battles of sin/weaknesses and say, "Lord, I am going to trust you, you hear my prayers, I am not going to control this area, I am going to trust that you are allowing this because it will help shape him/her"? That's a hard one huh? I wonder if we stopped pointing our fingers & relate more, would their hearts be more willing to change? Yeah, probably so & I do try this but when the going gets tough, it's easier to point fingers and control right?
Can we as spouses drop the expectations of our husband/wife and trust that God could be in the process of molding them? I wonder how much freedom this would bring, if we could live that daily? If I could REALLY not just know but live it? If it's a job that they hate, that you are sick of hearing about, could we encourage them to hang in there because God might use that skill or even workplace for his kingdom & your spouse? If it's a sin or a struggle that they have, can we get over our own selves, stop pointing our fingers and pray and believe that God is strong enough to free them/us but maybe the walking out of this struggle, the dieing to flesh is exactly what God using to mold them/us? Would that help us to encourage, love and accept in a more compassionate way?
I know there's a lot of questions in this blog, really this is just a bunch of thoughts & questions that I have jotted down, while trying to stop wrestling with my pointing finger & to trust God.
Lord, help me to love like you do, help to stop pointing my finger and open my arms, help me to trust you more and forgive me when I don't.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Not listening to the old girl inside of me anymore!!!
Communication, hearing and our responses can be so hard! Especially when you realize that you can be speaking, hearing & responding through wounds. Even more so, is when you have always been prideful of how this wound from the past never affected you, that you had let it go but letting it go & being healed from it can be two different things. Letting it go can mean that you walk away, choose not to focus on it and choose not to hold it over that person but the brokenness can infect your life forever if you do not allow God to heal & mend this broken area.
A few months ago in my marriage class, we were on the subject of relating with each other. I remember thinking, I have no clue as to how I relate to Mike but God did speak something to me that night. This something would need to be talked about with my husband, it wasn't anything that I had done but still the fear of admitting hurt from the past, how I was hurt, yet had always been prideful of how strong I was of not letting this hurt have power over me. HA! I wasn't brave enough to be so revealing and I didn't give Mike credit enough to believe that he would be compassionate and want to even hear about it. God keeps telling me though, "Betty this is the root, break it off".
You see, I love and adore my Daddy, he has passed way but it doesn't feel right saying loved & adored because I still do. Anyway, I had to do a lot of forgiveness because he wasn't always so loving and easy to adore. He was good man but one with a quick temper and one that wasn't able to control it and know when to say when with his words & actions, in fact, he was abusive. It didn't ever stop me from loving him, I knew that he was taught this way as well. I was the one in our bunch that had a very hard time listening to belittling remarks and the harsh words that were not warranted, was the worst for me. I would stand up to him and most of the time get physically knocked now but I didn't learn, I had the mindset of, I will not allow you to talk to me & treat me wrongly, I will stand up for myself even knowing that I would get knocked down one way or the other, mentally or physically. Now I am not here to bash my father or for anyone to think wrongly of him. Later in the years, he & I had many talks about how much he hurt me and he did listen and he did apologize and he did mean it
Actually in his last years, I was his right hand and own his death bed, he knew when I wasn't around, he would call out my name. Sigh... I miss that man!!!
The affect of those wounds though, how I relate to others, didn't change. I have been relating with the motto of you won't treat or talk to me unfairly, I will control this area in my life now! God seemed to have been able to really work on me with how I relate to others, years ago. I listened & realized that it was wrong & have been intentional to try & not be controlling and defensive. I still respond to my husband out of those wounds. When I hear, how many times do I have to tell you, what I really hear is, Betty you are so stupid. When I hear, you need to get this done today, do you think that you can you do this? What I really hear is a command, do this because I say so & are you capable of doing what I ask. I hear these things as if Mike is trying to talk to me like a child. Now Mike isn't trying to call me stupid, incapable or to treat me like a child and this always comes out when I respond defensively. He will be furious because he doesn't get where I could think these things and it isn't fair at all to him. He doesn't understand it because I have only shared how it comes across with me. I myself didn't realize that it stems from the agreement that I made many years ago with myself in a defense mechanism with my father. Now, anyone that knows Mike, knows that the tone of his voice & words can seem harsh at times but I KNOW his heart & whether or not he needs to change, is between him & God but my response IS up to me.
I wonder if any of this stems off into why it can be so hard to speak words of affirmation, appreciation and adoration to Mike. Is it pride, being strong & having a hard time showing submission through my words? Last week, I blogged about being challenged to encourage my husband through my words (I am challenged). It has been humbling to realize how hard that can be. I have tried to make it a point to speak something each day and I am not talking about I love you because that is easy to say. I am talking about things like, Thank you for dealing with the cable guy & letting me stay in my room, editing pictures or I knew you could do it, the tv looks great (when he installed my tv above my fireplace). For some of you, words like this come easy but it seems foreign to me. This morning, I decided to look up some proverbs to help me in this area and one stuck out which covers so much. Proverbs 31:26 When she speaks her words are wise & kindness is the rule for everything that she says. Whoa huh? So I then started looking up verses on being wise & wrote down ones concerning being wise & patient with my responses & walking away from anger. Proverbs 19: 11 says A wise man restrains from his anger and overlooks insults, this is to his own credit!!! Whew! I also looked up verses on being kind with my words. Proverbs 16:24 says, Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Can you see how God is dealing with me on my hearing, communication and responses? I surely can!! Mike & I don't argue a lot but when it is, it always comes down to communication & I am tired of this broken record! I am ready to be healed & set free from hearing with the old ears, after all, I am a new creation in Christ right? I am ready to hear, speak & respond wise & kind!!!
This reminds me of a song that we have just started singing at Church. Listen to it & be encourage!!
A few months ago in my marriage class, we were on the subject of relating with each other. I remember thinking, I have no clue as to how I relate to Mike but God did speak something to me that night. This something would need to be talked about with my husband, it wasn't anything that I had done but still the fear of admitting hurt from the past, how I was hurt, yet had always been prideful of how strong I was of not letting this hurt have power over me. HA! I wasn't brave enough to be so revealing and I didn't give Mike credit enough to believe that he would be compassionate and want to even hear about it. God keeps telling me though, "Betty this is the root, break it off".
You see, I love and adore my Daddy, he has passed way but it doesn't feel right saying loved & adored because I still do. Anyway, I had to do a lot of forgiveness because he wasn't always so loving and easy to adore. He was good man but one with a quick temper and one that wasn't able to control it and know when to say when with his words & actions, in fact, he was abusive. It didn't ever stop me from loving him, I knew that he was taught this way as well. I was the one in our bunch that had a very hard time listening to belittling remarks and the harsh words that were not warranted, was the worst for me. I would stand up to him and most of the time get physically knocked now but I didn't learn, I had the mindset of, I will not allow you to talk to me & treat me wrongly, I will stand up for myself even knowing that I would get knocked down one way or the other, mentally or physically. Now I am not here to bash my father or for anyone to think wrongly of him. Later in the years, he & I had many talks about how much he hurt me and he did listen and he did apologize and he did mean it
Actually in his last years, I was his right hand and own his death bed, he knew when I wasn't around, he would call out my name. Sigh... I miss that man!!!
The affect of those wounds though, how I relate to others, didn't change. I have been relating with the motto of you won't treat or talk to me unfairly, I will control this area in my life now! God seemed to have been able to really work on me with how I relate to others, years ago. I listened & realized that it was wrong & have been intentional to try & not be controlling and defensive. I still respond to my husband out of those wounds. When I hear, how many times do I have to tell you, what I really hear is, Betty you are so stupid. When I hear, you need to get this done today, do you think that you can you do this? What I really hear is a command, do this because I say so & are you capable of doing what I ask. I hear these things as if Mike is trying to talk to me like a child. Now Mike isn't trying to call me stupid, incapable or to treat me like a child and this always comes out when I respond defensively. He will be furious because he doesn't get where I could think these things and it isn't fair at all to him. He doesn't understand it because I have only shared how it comes across with me. I myself didn't realize that it stems from the agreement that I made many years ago with myself in a defense mechanism with my father. Now, anyone that knows Mike, knows that the tone of his voice & words can seem harsh at times but I KNOW his heart & whether or not he needs to change, is between him & God but my response IS up to me.
I wonder if any of this stems off into why it can be so hard to speak words of affirmation, appreciation and adoration to Mike. Is it pride, being strong & having a hard time showing submission through my words? Last week, I blogged about being challenged to encourage my husband through my words (I am challenged). It has been humbling to realize how hard that can be. I have tried to make it a point to speak something each day and I am not talking about I love you because that is easy to say. I am talking about things like, Thank you for dealing with the cable guy & letting me stay in my room, editing pictures or I knew you could do it, the tv looks great (when he installed my tv above my fireplace). For some of you, words like this come easy but it seems foreign to me. This morning, I decided to look up some proverbs to help me in this area and one stuck out which covers so much. Proverbs 31:26 When she speaks her words are wise & kindness is the rule for everything that she says. Whoa huh? So I then started looking up verses on being wise & wrote down ones concerning being wise & patient with my responses & walking away from anger. Proverbs 19: 11 says A wise man restrains from his anger and overlooks insults, this is to his own credit!!! Whew! I also looked up verses on being kind with my words. Proverbs 16:24 says, Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Can you see how God is dealing with me on my hearing, communication and responses? I surely can!! Mike & I don't argue a lot but when it is, it always comes down to communication & I am tired of this broken record! I am ready to be healed & set free from hearing with the old ears, after all, I am a new creation in Christ right? I am ready to hear, speak & respond wise & kind!!!
This reminds me of a song that we have just started singing at Church. Listen to it & be encourage!!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I am challenged!!
Last night we had our monthly marriage class at our Church and it was on sex...Woohoo right? I just have to say that we have the funniest people at our Church!!! I really did grasp some great truths from the message about God, sex & my husband. I think though that I had a couple of things that stuck out more than the sex part. In one part of the video that we watched, they had a group discussion with couples, they were sharing about what lures each spouse in. One husband said, "my wife tells me how amazing I am in so many different ways, she speaks this to me and I feel like I am the best husband ever." Then another part, a husband talked about how his wife always told him thank you and showed appreciation for doing things around the house or in the yard. My teacher, Janine said that men like a parade when they do these things & its our job to throw it. EVEN if it doesn't seem right, our men want our praises because two things that they desire the most (not including sex) is respect/honor & appreciation.
Hearing these two gut wrenching discussions had me looking like a deer in headlights!! I mean, don't get me wrong I do tell Mike thank you but I surely don't throw a parade!! Mike is a hard worker, he will come home and go straight to work outside in the yard or doing something to the house or on a car, he has done these things during our entire marriage. I think that I have taken those things for granted because they come naturally to Mike, it is what he does. Then the part of telling him how amazing he is...whew... it's not that I "don't" think this. I actually say it a lot to my friends and I do tell him at times how awesome he is but often might really be narrowed down to seldom. I am just not built to let the words flow out like that, it feels risky, as crazy as that sounds. I can look at him and think these things to myself but why is it when I sit here & imagine myself letting the words come out, does it seem like it would be fake? Is it pride, is it wounds, is it untruths that the enemy has lead me to think? Not only do men desire praise & honor but read the verse below from the Bible, I have 2 versions here. They seem a little different, one version just says respect but the other one goes deeper, explaining what respect should be given.
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
And the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband--obeying, praising, and honoring him" Ephesians 5:33
I am challenged and even saying those 3 words brought out a sigh. I am going to pray through whatever it is that keeps me from showing respect, honor & praise with my words/mouth because my heart does truly want my husband to feel like my hero!!!
Hearing these two gut wrenching discussions had me looking like a deer in headlights!! I mean, don't get me wrong I do tell Mike thank you but I surely don't throw a parade!! Mike is a hard worker, he will come home and go straight to work outside in the yard or doing something to the house or on a car, he has done these things during our entire marriage. I think that I have taken those things for granted because they come naturally to Mike, it is what he does. Then the part of telling him how amazing he is...whew... it's not that I "don't" think this. I actually say it a lot to my friends and I do tell him at times how awesome he is but often might really be narrowed down to seldom. I am just not built to let the words flow out like that, it feels risky, as crazy as that sounds. I can look at him and think these things to myself but why is it when I sit here & imagine myself letting the words come out, does it seem like it would be fake? Is it pride, is it wounds, is it untruths that the enemy has lead me to think? Not only do men desire praise & honor but read the verse below from the Bible, I have 2 versions here. They seem a little different, one version just says respect but the other one goes deeper, explaining what respect should be given.
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
And the wife must see to it that she deeply respects her husband--obeying, praising, and honoring him" Ephesians 5:33
I am challenged and even saying those 3 words brought out a sigh. I am going to pray through whatever it is that keeps me from showing respect, honor & praise with my words/mouth because my heart does truly want my husband to feel like my hero!!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Can you TRUST even in dark waters?
Last week the kids and I made our way to Gulf Shores Alabama and had a wonderful time. We were invited by cousins on my husbands side of the family, cousins that I had only been around a few minutes here and there. It didn't take but a minute to realize that our families "fit" right together, just as if we had grown up around each other. The entire week was spent in pjs and swimming suits! This was the most relaxed vacation that I have ever had. We didn't even eat out until the last night there, you can't get more low key than that!
The first day on the beach, the water wasn't clear at all. I got in feeling a little uneasy because I didn't know what was swimming around me or what was ready to pinch my toes but after a few minutes the fears were gone. On the second day the water was clear, I got in without feeling uneasy because I could clearly see what was around me. I constantly searched around me and looked out into the ocean ahead of me, looking to see what might "get me". What I noticed was that I wasn't really fearful but had this feeling that I could handle myself. At this point, I wasn't even waist deep, I felt like I could control my fate from danger because I could see all that was around me & I was close enough to run for cover on shore.
Later that night I was sitting on the beach, listening to the crashing waves, absorbing the beauty that God had set out in front of me and felt God opening my eyes and ears. The ocean was so dark and I thought, there is noway that I would get in that water right now, even though it looked so peaceful. God reminded me of the unclear water, the clear water and the dark water. He said, Betty the water is still the same, it is how you choose to stand in it. Will you be fearful, will you play at ease or will you stand with caution from wisdom that I have given you. You see, when the water was unclear, I became carefree because I couldn't control what I didn't see. When the water was clear, I wasn't carefree because I on guard to control my safety. When the water was dark, I knew better than to get out in it because I had been taught about beach safety and feeding times for sharks.
I can't go into full details about how this has been applied to my life but I must share a little. I am not sure if you remember the blog about the book of Samuel & how Hannah gave him back to the Lord (I give you my son) but I was able to see fruit on this vacation from obeying God regarding my son. Again, I can't tell you what it was exactly but I can tell you that his heart has been changed in many areas. I saw my son feeling grieved by things that he saw & heard, things that a year ago would have been a huge temptation for him. We talked for a couple of hours and he went on and on about different things going on in his life. My heart felt like it was going to explode because these issues were answered prayers, it was growth & maturity and redemption over thoughts, actions and motives that I used to try to control. I realized that when things were clear, like the clear ocean, is when I sheltered Nick so much, I could control (not) what affected his thoughts, motives & actions, so I frantically watched around him for danger and even looked way out into the future, fearful of how his future would be affected. The unclear water represented how I started to let go. In the unclear water, I had no choice but to let go, well when God spoke strongly to me about parenting in fear, I had no choice but to let go & trust God. I had to allow Nick to grow and walk on his own. Then there's the dark water, it is where I find peace in trusting that the Lord will give me the wisdom that I need when I need to step in and protect my son, when I need to pull him back from the darkness and the unknown. This is where I choose to reside, in the peace of the Lord and his protection because when I finally chose to sit in this place, God was able to reach Nicks heart. God was able to speak to Nick and open his eyes and to break my sons heart for sinful ways not only of his but for the ways of this world.
Now today, I wonder where else in my life that I need to walk in the unclear waters & let go, to wander around a little more carefree, a little or a lot less controlling and then to sit back in the peace of knowing that God will give me wisdom, he will protect and he will answer when I seek him. What are the areas that I watch out frantically, ready to attack & control instead of seeking and trusting God? Something to chew on for sure!!
Just so you know, the following days I became carefree in the ocean even on the clear days, I had fun and trusted that I would be safe. I do however, have a tubing trip this weekend in a river with snakes and possible gators. Lord help me to apply these truths to the unclear, mucky river water so that I can have fun and be carefree!!
Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart
a couple pictures that I took while on vacation
The first day on the beach, the water wasn't clear at all. I got in feeling a little uneasy because I didn't know what was swimming around me or what was ready to pinch my toes but after a few minutes the fears were gone. On the second day the water was clear, I got in without feeling uneasy because I could clearly see what was around me. I constantly searched around me and looked out into the ocean ahead of me, looking to see what might "get me". What I noticed was that I wasn't really fearful but had this feeling that I could handle myself. At this point, I wasn't even waist deep, I felt like I could control my fate from danger because I could see all that was around me & I was close enough to run for cover on shore.
Later that night I was sitting on the beach, listening to the crashing waves, absorbing the beauty that God had set out in front of me and felt God opening my eyes and ears. The ocean was so dark and I thought, there is noway that I would get in that water right now, even though it looked so peaceful. God reminded me of the unclear water, the clear water and the dark water. He said, Betty the water is still the same, it is how you choose to stand in it. Will you be fearful, will you play at ease or will you stand with caution from wisdom that I have given you. You see, when the water was unclear, I became carefree because I couldn't control what I didn't see. When the water was clear, I wasn't carefree because I on guard to control my safety. When the water was dark, I knew better than to get out in it because I had been taught about beach safety and feeding times for sharks.
I can't go into full details about how this has been applied to my life but I must share a little. I am not sure if you remember the blog about the book of Samuel & how Hannah gave him back to the Lord (I give you my son) but I was able to see fruit on this vacation from obeying God regarding my son. Again, I can't tell you what it was exactly but I can tell you that his heart has been changed in many areas. I saw my son feeling grieved by things that he saw & heard, things that a year ago would have been a huge temptation for him. We talked for a couple of hours and he went on and on about different things going on in his life. My heart felt like it was going to explode because these issues were answered prayers, it was growth & maturity and redemption over thoughts, actions and motives that I used to try to control. I realized that when things were clear, like the clear ocean, is when I sheltered Nick so much, I could control (not) what affected his thoughts, motives & actions, so I frantically watched around him for danger and even looked way out into the future, fearful of how his future would be affected. The unclear water represented how I started to let go. In the unclear water, I had no choice but to let go, well when God spoke strongly to me about parenting in fear, I had no choice but to let go & trust God. I had to allow Nick to grow and walk on his own. Then there's the dark water, it is where I find peace in trusting that the Lord will give me the wisdom that I need when I need to step in and protect my son, when I need to pull him back from the darkness and the unknown. This is where I choose to reside, in the peace of the Lord and his protection because when I finally chose to sit in this place, God was able to reach Nicks heart. God was able to speak to Nick and open his eyes and to break my sons heart for sinful ways not only of his but for the ways of this world.
Now today, I wonder where else in my life that I need to walk in the unclear waters & let go, to wander around a little more carefree, a little or a lot less controlling and then to sit back in the peace of knowing that God will give me wisdom, he will protect and he will answer when I seek him. What are the areas that I watch out frantically, ready to attack & control instead of seeking and trusting God? Something to chew on for sure!!
Just so you know, the following days I became carefree in the ocean even on the clear days, I had fun and trusted that I would be safe. I do however, have a tubing trip this weekend in a river with snakes and possible gators. Lord help me to apply these truths to the unclear, mucky river water so that I can have fun and be carefree!!
Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart
a couple pictures that I took while on vacation
Monday, July 9, 2012
Be still my soul be still
Today the kids and I are heading out of town. We will be heading to Gulf Shores Alabama, which is about 4.5hrs from where we live. I still have to go gas up & get an updated inspection sticker because mine has been out for a while now! We are leaving early enough to not worry about rushing but then again, the beach will be there all week right?
Months ago, we were invited to go on this trip by my husbands cousin, Elizabeth. We will be staying in a condo with her family, her sister & kids and her mom. Mike side of the family doesn't get together nearly as often as mine does but when we do see them, I always feel a closeness. Elizabeth & I also share a love for photography, so we have talked quite a bit on facebook. To me, this invitation says so much about this family and I can't wait to get to know them even better this week! I think this is also another way that God is stretching my box, this one though isn't a tough one at all though!!
About a month ago, God started dealing with me on being busy and he has been working hard with his chisel at my stubborn ways!!! I have slowed down a lot, I have said no to a lot, I have delegated and many days have been spent here at my home! I did however try to become a busy bee on this trip! I had this thought that I would book a few photography sessions **good intentions** while being on this trip to help pay for the cost. I thought, this would make the load a little easier on my husband, so I posted details about my trip and received a lot of responses. As strange as it sounds, none of them worked out, yet each one all seemed 100% ready to book. I think God played a huge hand in this. While I don't think that my intentions were bad, they actually seemed pretty smart, I know now that God has other plans for this trip. I think that I told you how God has been asking me WHY so much lately right? Well the "why" had good reasons, to help finances and to give some friends sessions on the beach with their families. It reminds me of the verse in Proverbs..."There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death". Now surely this isn't literal for this situation but I have felt like God is saying, Betty your ways, even those with good intentions seem right, they sound good but being out of balance can lead to death in so many areas of your life. I feel like this vacation is to show me how I can be "still", I think it will be a simple, yet life absorbing vacation and doesn't that sound good? Gosh, I can't wait!
I leave you with one of my favorite singers, Kari Jobe!
Oh & I T-Totally can't wait for a week to just have FUN with my camera on the beach, no work, just fun!!! I am very grateful and feel like a very blessed lady today!!
By the way, if you can't tell how eager that I am to leave for the beach, look at how short this blog is, that should tell ya in a big way!!
Have a blessed week my friends!!
Months ago, we were invited to go on this trip by my husbands cousin, Elizabeth. We will be staying in a condo with her family, her sister & kids and her mom. Mike side of the family doesn't get together nearly as often as mine does but when we do see them, I always feel a closeness. Elizabeth & I also share a love for photography, so we have talked quite a bit on facebook. To me, this invitation says so much about this family and I can't wait to get to know them even better this week! I think this is also another way that God is stretching my box, this one though isn't a tough one at all though!!
About a month ago, God started dealing with me on being busy and he has been working hard with his chisel at my stubborn ways!!! I have slowed down a lot, I have said no to a lot, I have delegated and many days have been spent here at my home! I did however try to become a busy bee on this trip! I had this thought that I would book a few photography sessions **good intentions** while being on this trip to help pay for the cost. I thought, this would make the load a little easier on my husband, so I posted details about my trip and received a lot of responses. As strange as it sounds, none of them worked out, yet each one all seemed 100% ready to book. I think God played a huge hand in this. While I don't think that my intentions were bad, they actually seemed pretty smart, I know now that God has other plans for this trip. I think that I told you how God has been asking me WHY so much lately right? Well the "why" had good reasons, to help finances and to give some friends sessions on the beach with their families. It reminds me of the verse in Proverbs..."There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death". Now surely this isn't literal for this situation but I have felt like God is saying, Betty your ways, even those with good intentions seem right, they sound good but being out of balance can lead to death in so many areas of your life. I feel like this vacation is to show me how I can be "still", I think it will be a simple, yet life absorbing vacation and doesn't that sound good? Gosh, I can't wait!
Oh & I T-Totally can't wait for a week to just have FUN with my camera on the beach, no work, just fun!!! I am very grateful and feel like a very blessed lady today!!
By the way, if you can't tell how eager that I am to leave for the beach, look at how short this blog is, that should tell ya in a big way!!
Have a blessed week my friends!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)