Last week, I stepped out of my box in a couple of big ways. The first step was to join a coed team with my husband. It really couldn't get over the fact that I actually said yes to something so out of the box for me. I instantly saw the fruit of it though. When my husband & I practiced, we had a common interest, we shared something that was new for me, something that he could lead me in, something that he could assure me that I would do fine, something that he was able to pour encouragement in me through. It felt good too and I could tell by the look on his face, that he enjoyed it as well. I also stepped out of my box by planning a very romantic night for our anniversary. Now of coarse, I can't get into those details but I can say that I was nervous!! It wasn't that I hadn't planned romantic nights before but it has been a very long time, so it felt new to me, sad huh? It did however, open my eyes to how valued and adored that it made my husband feel.
Remember the blog that I posted last week about God asking me why? Well, I keep hearing that question. I have stopped so many times over the last week to ask why. As I said before, it is a process, I am trying to find out why. The answer to most of they why's have been simply, I want to meet others needs or I want them to be happy. Does this mean I am a people pleaser? I am not sure, I don't do things to make people like me or think highly of me, it's help, it's to bring a smile or it's to step in when someone else hasn't. Whatever the case, in this last week, after asking why & getting my answer, God has said, "what is important Betty"? He is taking me beyond they why.
Our youth worship band sings a song that has some pretty powerful lyrics to it;
You won't relent until You, have it all
My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You, have it all
My heart is Yours. These words keep playing in my mind, he won't relent. It's like the questions that keep coming to me, why, what is important. I feel like he is saying, I won't relent until you get it all Betty, not just a piece of what I am trying to tell you, not just a step in the right direction, I ready to take you all the way.
Want in on where he leading me? Right back into the arms of my husband, right back to walk along side of him. Most of the Why's have been things that take me away from my husband, now it's not the leading astray as into the arms of another, it's ministry, it's my children, its my family, it's the things that you feel are "good" things to do. The what is important questions have ended with, well HE is more important, the other things are good and important too but not as important. Not only has God been speaking this to me but yesterday I asked for prayer over something that I needed counsel on & it lead me right back to walking with my husband, letting him lead me. Then in conversation last night with our youth pastor, he told me about a book that he is reading & that he had thought about me while reading this book. He said that I need to read it. He said that a part of what the book talks about is that, though we all have individual purposes, we have to also realize that our marriages and family have a purpose. Basically like, what is the story that God wants my family to write, the people that he wants it to influence, the ministry that he wants us to serve in, the generations and our legacy.
I think when one spouse has been on their walk with the Lord longer than the other, we feel the need to lead, we feel that they will catch up, when really we need to walk along beside them. With cutting things out of my life, slowing down, I am able to walk with my husband & my mind isn't in a million different places on where I should be or what I could be getting finished.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
band aids won't fix brokeness
Last night my husband & I attended our monthly marriage class at church taught by Janine & Ted Mangum. We are using the book, "Love & War" and we have enjoyed this journey that the book has been taking us on. Last night we talked about the storms that hover over us, stopping to see the bigger picture, asking why we are in this storm instead of jumping the gun and reacting. Each meeting, we watch a short clip from a dvd & then separate, men with Ted & women with Janine. It is always so refreshing to hear the realness of others, how you aren't the only one or only couple facing issues. As we were going over the different topics that were discussed in the video & book, I noticed a heavy feeling. I noticed my head kept dropping & my eyes were glued to the floor. I was tired but it was more than that, I felt a strong conviction. In the book it said, how many fights start just because you are both worn out? A friend brought up the fact that she will start jabbing at her husband when she can't meet her perfect expectations of herself & she will realize that she has let her project take priority over her life, her husband and sometimes over God. Yes, this is exactly when my head dropped.
Last August, I went to deliver something to my dear friend, teacher and mentor Janine. She could see tiredness on me. She asked how I was doing. My response was, I am so glad Summer is over, I welcome our school schedule back because this Summer has been so busy. She then mentioned that I had posted on facebook in early Spring that I couldn't wait til Summer hit because I was so ready for a break, to slow down. She said, "when are you going to slow down girl?" Then of coarse, my school year was busy and here I am into Summer & even busier than last year.
A couple of weeks ago at Church, I felt so tired and weary. Mike & I had been at each others throats for weeks. I felt like I couldn't go on one more second, I needed comfort from the Lord. I got my friend Holly to pray for me. I cried and cried. I knew that it was because he & I were so tired. I received comfort and such a great word from Holly. I talked to Mike afterwards about everything and we started being more patient with each other, we started being nicer and we seemed to be enjoying each other more.
I realized last night that Mike & I keep putting band aids on our symptoms. We hurt each other from our words, from our actions and we get to a point to where we need to healing but we were just covering our wounds up again. We haven't been really looking at why we keep getting these wounds, so therefore we aren't addressing it correctly, nor giving it the right kind of medication. It's like an infected wound, you have to know what it is in order to make it go away. Last night God said, Why Betty, ask yourself why. I said, Ok God, why. Why do I put things before my husband, why do I run around crazy to help others, yet neglect my home, husband and own children. I felt like a balloon & God had just put a puncture in it to release the air. I have known that I needed to cut out things in my life, I really do have a desire to live more simple, to slow down but I justified my busy life by saying, it isn't in me to slow down, to say no. How do I do it, what do I cut out? Before last night, I had no idea, I would just stop at that point but God again said, Why Betty, Why are these things that keep you so busy so important?
When Mike & I got home from Church, we sat on our front porch, listening to the crickets and frogs, how much more peaceful can you get? We sat and talked about what God had spoke to us individually in our meetings. God had spoken the same thing to him. I told him of a few areas that I knew that I wanted to cut out or slow down. It was like we were both looking at this wound & saying no wonder we are feeling the pain and the sad part is that it is self inflicting. We sat and talked about our day. I remember looking up at him, almost like when we were dating, so interested in his day. I remember thinking, how long has it been that I have really wanted to "hear" him without thinking hurrying up, I need to get back to what I was doing.
I know that I still have issues to address, probably the main one is that God keeps saying Why Betty. Why why why.....do you feel the need to do so much.
I am almost done but I have to say that tomorrow night, we will have a kid free night, I have big plans...what? Didn't I just say to slow down? Well, my plans are simple, to be at home with my husband, celebrating our anniversary and to do something that I have wanted to do for years. I can't tell you now what it is but I am so excited and for you women that were in our meeting last night, it does NOT have to do with what two other certain women brought up! hahahah
Also a short update on Kelly, well, I will save that for another day. Terri is coming over soon to work in our garden. I will tell you that things are looking up for Kelly. I see God moving!!!
Last August, I went to deliver something to my dear friend, teacher and mentor Janine. She could see tiredness on me. She asked how I was doing. My response was, I am so glad Summer is over, I welcome our school schedule back because this Summer has been so busy. She then mentioned that I had posted on facebook in early Spring that I couldn't wait til Summer hit because I was so ready for a break, to slow down. She said, "when are you going to slow down girl?" Then of coarse, my school year was busy and here I am into Summer & even busier than last year.
A couple of weeks ago at Church, I felt so tired and weary. Mike & I had been at each others throats for weeks. I felt like I couldn't go on one more second, I needed comfort from the Lord. I got my friend Holly to pray for me. I cried and cried. I knew that it was because he & I were so tired. I received comfort and such a great word from Holly. I talked to Mike afterwards about everything and we started being more patient with each other, we started being nicer and we seemed to be enjoying each other more.
I realized last night that Mike & I keep putting band aids on our symptoms. We hurt each other from our words, from our actions and we get to a point to where we need to healing but we were just covering our wounds up again. We haven't been really looking at why we keep getting these wounds, so therefore we aren't addressing it correctly, nor giving it the right kind of medication. It's like an infected wound, you have to know what it is in order to make it go away. Last night God said, Why Betty, ask yourself why. I said, Ok God, why. Why do I put things before my husband, why do I run around crazy to help others, yet neglect my home, husband and own children. I felt like a balloon & God had just put a puncture in it to release the air. I have known that I needed to cut out things in my life, I really do have a desire to live more simple, to slow down but I justified my busy life by saying, it isn't in me to slow down, to say no. How do I do it, what do I cut out? Before last night, I had no idea, I would just stop at that point but God again said, Why Betty, Why are these things that keep you so busy so important?
When Mike & I got home from Church, we sat on our front porch, listening to the crickets and frogs, how much more peaceful can you get? We sat and talked about what God had spoke to us individually in our meetings. God had spoken the same thing to him. I told him of a few areas that I knew that I wanted to cut out or slow down. It was like we were both looking at this wound & saying no wonder we are feeling the pain and the sad part is that it is self inflicting. We sat and talked about our day. I remember looking up at him, almost like when we were dating, so interested in his day. I remember thinking, how long has it been that I have really wanted to "hear" him without thinking hurrying up, I need to get back to what I was doing.
I know that I still have issues to address, probably the main one is that God keeps saying Why Betty. Why why why.....do you feel the need to do so much.
I am almost done but I have to say that tomorrow night, we will have a kid free night, I have big plans...what? Didn't I just say to slow down? Well, my plans are simple, to be at home with my husband, celebrating our anniversary and to do something that I have wanted to do for years. I can't tell you now what it is but I am so excited and for you women that were in our meeting last night, it does NOT have to do with what two other certain women brought up! hahahah
Also a short update on Kelly, well, I will save that for another day. Terri is coming over soon to work in our garden. I will tell you that things are looking up for Kelly. I see God moving!!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
We can HOPE but we also have to BELIEVE
Hebrews 10:35-39
New International Version (NIV)
36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37 For,“In just a little while he who is coming will come and will not delay.”and,
“But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.”
39 But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.
Yesterday, I spent time in Hebrews, mainly chapter 11. I feel like God has been really confirming for & in me, how much we really have to not only hope, not only DO the steps but to firmly believe. It's like when you pray for someone, you want God to heal them & you believe he can but how often do you boldly say LORD I believe in your healing powers right now? It's almost like you hold back because what if it doesn't happen right? What if God has other plans? Well he talks about in Hebrews how David, Samson, Samuel and many others, never saw what he had promised, yet in chapter 11 9 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
I got to thinking, this is confirmation for what he has been doing in my friend Kelly's life. I do firmly believe that a miracle will happen. I believe that God is going to bring restoration to her life. Now this doesn't mean that I might be in every step, this doesn't mean that I might still be in her life when this happens but I do believe it and I do believe that what God is using me for is part of the process. This confirmation makes me stand up to fear that arose yesterday when I knew that at some point, very soon, I would have to talk to her caregivers. Having this confirmation changes the way that I will approach them, my confidence in him and his word, I firmly believe will bring peace.
Is this the 1st time that I have had faith like this, that I firmly believed in what God can do? No, but I do think that we tend to forget. In Max Lucado's book Fearful, he says that fear causes us to have spiritual amnesia, that fear makes us forget what he has done & that affects our belief in what he will do.
Yesterday, I was having a day at the house, cleaning, homeschooling, ya know, in my housewife clothes, hair pulled up and hadn't gotten a shower yet. All of a sudden Olivia says, "is Mrs. Kelly suppose to come here today because I think that is her coming up the driveway"! Sure enough, she walked up the driveway and I had to fight back tears. I knew why she had come, she had come to work off her small grocery bill from Sunday. She came up, dug in her bag and pulled out one the most beautiful things that I have seen. Remember me telling you about her rock collection? She had picked up some in my driveway the other day and told Olivia that she would make her a bunny. Then, I couldn't imagine the beauty in what she could do with some rocks but when my eyes saw this bunny, I saw her imagination her creativity.
I wish my phone photos could really show you the beauty. I took a picture of the side of it, to show you how she picked just the perfect rocks for the arms and legs, to show dimension and realness. She found an orange rock for a carrot, the details are just precious. Kelly apologized over and over because she wasn't able to use a certain clue that wouldn't show on the bunny. Honestly, I don't think that she could have picked a more grateful child. This is something that Olivia will cherish forever. I encouraged Kelly to come over anytime because Olivia would love to paint and do crafts with her. I told her over and over how gifted she was, however, she looked puzzled because she had always believed that it was insignificant. How sad because I had to turn away when I saw her give my daughter this gift, my tears couldn't be stopped at that point. She has a goal of making enough of these to go to the Canton flea market in October and I believe that she can do it and I believe that God will bless her sweet heart and her gift.
Kelly had been walking since 9am, just walking her normal route on the hwy, she went to her caregivers and was heartbroken from what went on there, then walked to my house. To give you an idea of how long this took place, she arrived at my house around 3pm. She said that she was out of cigarettes and her medicine and was too nervous, she just had to walk. When she got to my house she was tired though. She wanted to work, I told her there was no need but she insisted to pay off her bill. I convinced her to let me take her home so that she could get a nap and she could work on another day.
I expect that she will come back today and I look forward to it. I expect that she will be in my life a lot for a however long and in my heart, I know that this is exactly what we both need. I am sure that I will have to set some boundaries with her visits, times and what not but that will be a growing thing for her. Hopefully things will work out with her caregivers and she will have her cellphone turned back on at some point.
This has brought to mind, the downtown Jackson ministry, WE WILL GO. They are turning Jackson around by living in the middle of it all, turning out crack houses into homes, by showing the love of Christ but most of all, believing that HE can do all things, that HE can bring restoration.
It also brings to mind lyrics to the song My Savior My God... "you count it strange, so once did I, before I knew my Savior".
Amen!!
Monday, June 18, 2012
You are an overcomer!!
Luke 10:19
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.
The encounters with my friend "Kelly" keeps happening. One of these happened last Thursday night I as I was waiting for my husband to come pull my Jeep out of this deep, deep, deep ditch and I will spare you the story about why it landed it a ditch. So I am standing there, in the country, in darkness and I get a notification that a call had been sent straight to my voice mail. I am not sure why the call didn't go through and I didn't see a missed call to see what number the voice mail came from. I listened to the voice mail and it was Kelly. She sounded distraught and scared. She called out my name & said that she needed help, then she hung up. I wasn't able to call her back. I knew that at the moment, all I could do was pray. I tried going to her house the following day but couldn't find it by the directions that she had given me during one of our other meetings.
Sunday was Fathers day & even though we had already given Mike his gifts and celebrated the day, I had planned to come home after Church & spend the day with him. Olivia was riding home with Mike, Nick had left that morning for Texas, so I was riding home alone. I look over on the opposite side of the hwy & I saw Kelly. I knew that I had to turn around, I turned my Jeep around, pulled up next to her to see how she was doing. We spoke for a couple of minutes, then she agreed to get into my jeep to cool off. We talked about what she was doing (collecting rocks), why she called & needed me on Thursday and some heartbreaking issues with her family. I can't go into many details but it really broke my heart to hear her justify that certain people treat her badly, "because she is just crazy and a bad person". Talking to her yesterday was like talking to my old friend, she really made a lot of sense. I do know that there are two sides to the story but I remember some of the same issues from way back when she did live a normal life. She would burst out in tears at times while she talked about how she just wanted to be normal again, she just wanted to be able to buy her own groceries or to work (she has always been a hard worker). God kept pointing out wonderful things in her to me. I was able to say, Kelly, you are WISE in this area, you know your limits and are respecting them, Kelly, you are very creative & giving with what you build with your rock collections, Kelly, you DO have so much to give!!! Now, I am not naive, I DID hear things that Kelly had said and did to these caregivers that could have been handled a different way and I did point that out but that is just areas to grow in. I kept telling her that God wants to help her to live a normal life again, that she can manage her bi-polar and depression disorders. It was like she was hearing this for the first time. She kept saying but they have had me committed, they call me crazy and say I am a burden. sigh.... Oh, Jesus...thank you for using me because I know this lady is your daughter and you care for her. I will also say that I do know what it is like to care for someone that at times takes over your lives and I am not here to bad mouth her caregivers, especially with not knowing the full story and I do know that Kelly can be stubborn at times too.
Kelly mentioned that and argument had taken place with a caregiver because this person didn't buy the groceries that she needed, the cops were called and wrong things were said by both parties. She wasn't looking for a handout, she only wanted someone to hear her. I talked her into going to Kroger with me and I talked her into letting me get her the missing items that she needed. The only way that she allowed me to bless her by the groceries was that she had to pay me back, now I didn't want a dime back but she was firm in not allowing me to buy them, if she couldn't pay me back. We had a great time, walking and talking. She kept saying that she was scared that she was talking too much. God kept telling me to tell her things like, you are blessing, your stories are blessings, I am having the best time with you today. When we checked out, I could see worry come across her face, she thought that she was making me do without, her total wasn't but 20.00. Gosh, I spend 20.00 on a spur of the moment trip to Sonic!! As we were putting the groceries up, I talked her into just coming over to my house one day to help me tiddy up or something, to pay me back and thankfully she agreed to that. This way, she would feel like she hasn't put me out and it would also help her feel needed.
Kelly has a cute little house with 9 cats and 2 dogs but you would never know it by the cleanliness or smell, I told you that she has always been a hard worker right? She pointed out things in her house that she had refurbished, things that had been thrown out. Seeing her home like this made me know that she can manage a lot more than she gets credit for. As I looked around, God kept bringing back to mind things that Kelly had said that day and I was able to bring these things to her, as encouragement. Things like: the reason that she walks on the hwy is not only for her health but because she picks up the trash and gets a stick to move the dead animals off of the road to show respect for her area and there are markers on the side of the road which gives her goals as to how far she has walked, she is careful of what she eats because certain foods can cause heart or weight gain, she knows that while she is walking to never take rides from others....things like this....a "crazy" person doesn't keep things like this in their daily routine. I left her encouraged, I left a friend that even though she still can't remember me from the past, she now trust me and believes that God working in her life.
A few things to keep in mind for prayer:
Restoration with her caregivers, again I know how hard it must be for them. Pray that God will give them the mercy & grace to keep on and for God to show them the hope that he has for Kelly. Also that when I do talk to them, they will not feel like I am trying to control or to question their motives and decisions and that I do this at the right time. Pray for unity and restoration.
For her safety. The hwy that she travels is not a safe place to travel. The reason why she called last week was because a man had tried to talk her into getting into his car with him, she crossed the road and used a payphone to call me.
Pray that I will be able to set boundaries and to stay focused on the root of this & not it's symptoms. That God has put me into her life to help her walk into restoration of her life, to encourage her and to let God do the rest.
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.
The encounters with my friend "Kelly" keeps happening. One of these happened last Thursday night I as I was waiting for my husband to come pull my Jeep out of this deep, deep, deep ditch and I will spare you the story about why it landed it a ditch. So I am standing there, in the country, in darkness and I get a notification that a call had been sent straight to my voice mail. I am not sure why the call didn't go through and I didn't see a missed call to see what number the voice mail came from. I listened to the voice mail and it was Kelly. She sounded distraught and scared. She called out my name & said that she needed help, then she hung up. I wasn't able to call her back. I knew that at the moment, all I could do was pray. I tried going to her house the following day but couldn't find it by the directions that she had given me during one of our other meetings.
Sunday was Fathers day & even though we had already given Mike his gifts and celebrated the day, I had planned to come home after Church & spend the day with him. Olivia was riding home with Mike, Nick had left that morning for Texas, so I was riding home alone. I look over on the opposite side of the hwy & I saw Kelly. I knew that I had to turn around, I turned my Jeep around, pulled up next to her to see how she was doing. We spoke for a couple of minutes, then she agreed to get into my jeep to cool off. We talked about what she was doing (collecting rocks), why she called & needed me on Thursday and some heartbreaking issues with her family. I can't go into many details but it really broke my heart to hear her justify that certain people treat her badly, "because she is just crazy and a bad person". Talking to her yesterday was like talking to my old friend, she really made a lot of sense. I do know that there are two sides to the story but I remember some of the same issues from way back when she did live a normal life. She would burst out in tears at times while she talked about how she just wanted to be normal again, she just wanted to be able to buy her own groceries or to work (she has always been a hard worker). God kept pointing out wonderful things in her to me. I was able to say, Kelly, you are WISE in this area, you know your limits and are respecting them, Kelly, you are very creative & giving with what you build with your rock collections, Kelly, you DO have so much to give!!! Now, I am not naive, I DID hear things that Kelly had said and did to these caregivers that could have been handled a different way and I did point that out but that is just areas to grow in. I kept telling her that God wants to help her to live a normal life again, that she can manage her bi-polar and depression disorders. It was like she was hearing this for the first time. She kept saying but they have had me committed, they call me crazy and say I am a burden. sigh.... Oh, Jesus...thank you for using me because I know this lady is your daughter and you care for her. I will also say that I do know what it is like to care for someone that at times takes over your lives and I am not here to bad mouth her caregivers, especially with not knowing the full story and I do know that Kelly can be stubborn at times too.
Kelly mentioned that and argument had taken place with a caregiver because this person didn't buy the groceries that she needed, the cops were called and wrong things were said by both parties. She wasn't looking for a handout, she only wanted someone to hear her. I talked her into going to Kroger with me and I talked her into letting me get her the missing items that she needed. The only way that she allowed me to bless her by the groceries was that she had to pay me back, now I didn't want a dime back but she was firm in not allowing me to buy them, if she couldn't pay me back. We had a great time, walking and talking. She kept saying that she was scared that she was talking too much. God kept telling me to tell her things like, you are blessing, your stories are blessings, I am having the best time with you today. When we checked out, I could see worry come across her face, she thought that she was making me do without, her total wasn't but 20.00. Gosh, I spend 20.00 on a spur of the moment trip to Sonic!! As we were putting the groceries up, I talked her into just coming over to my house one day to help me tiddy up or something, to pay me back and thankfully she agreed to that. This way, she would feel like she hasn't put me out and it would also help her feel needed.
Kelly has a cute little house with 9 cats and 2 dogs but you would never know it by the cleanliness or smell, I told you that she has always been a hard worker right? She pointed out things in her house that she had refurbished, things that had been thrown out. Seeing her home like this made me know that she can manage a lot more than she gets credit for. As I looked around, God kept bringing back to mind things that Kelly had said that day and I was able to bring these things to her, as encouragement. Things like: the reason that she walks on the hwy is not only for her health but because she picks up the trash and gets a stick to move the dead animals off of the road to show respect for her area and there are markers on the side of the road which gives her goals as to how far she has walked, she is careful of what she eats because certain foods can cause heart or weight gain, she knows that while she is walking to never take rides from others....things like this....a "crazy" person doesn't keep things like this in their daily routine. I left her encouraged, I left a friend that even though she still can't remember me from the past, she now trust me and believes that God working in her life.
A few things to keep in mind for prayer:
Restoration with her caregivers, again I know how hard it must be for them. Pray that God will give them the mercy & grace to keep on and for God to show them the hope that he has for Kelly. Also that when I do talk to them, they will not feel like I am trying to control or to question their motives and decisions and that I do this at the right time. Pray for unity and restoration.
For her safety. The hwy that she travels is not a safe place to travel. The reason why she called last week was because a man had tried to talk her into getting into his car with him, she crossed the road and used a payphone to call me.
Pray that I will be able to set boundaries and to stay focused on the root of this & not it's symptoms. That God has put me into her life to help her walk into restoration of her life, to encourage her and to let God do the rest.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Eyes wide open
I wonder how often the Lord puts people, so bluntly into our lives, wanting to use us as tools to help bring healing and restoration or even salvation and we are too busy to see them?
About 2 months ago, I was third in line waiting to be checked out at our local Family Dollar Store. You couldn't help but notice that the lady that was checking out was out of her mind a little, it seemed like she was over medicated. She was just making it to her car when I finished checking out and I then noticed that I knew her. I didn't stop though, I hurried to my jeep, to get back to my busy life, after all, I was on the way to youth group, ya know?
The lady at the store, was Kelly(using a fake name for privacy sake), a lady that I worked in management with for about 2yrs during the time that I was pregnant with my 1st child. We worked very close to each other so we knew everything about each others lives. Kelly has always battle with depression and with the trials in life that she has been dealt, I am sure that she handled it all the best that she could. She was an overworked-hard working lady that did everything for her family. She was a hoot to be around, funny as they come.
God started putting Kelly into my life in the next two months, so much, that I would have to be blind to ignore it. The week or so after I saw Kelly at the store, the kids & I were on our morning walk when her daughter stopped her car to talk to me. This daughter hadn't seen me in 15yrs but remembered me. We talked for a few minutes, she told me that Kelly lives in my area and she would tell her where I lived so that we could get together sometime. I guess a week or so after this conversation, I was in Walmart with a girl from my youth group named Rebekah Straut and I looked up & saw Kelly checking out. She looked like she was having a hard time getting the groceries out of her buggy & onto the register, so we went over to help her. She had no idea who I was even though we have seen each other in passing, many times over the years and I knew there was no way that she could have forgotten me. I tried to recall where we had worked and names of people that we worked with but she just looked at me with a very dazed look in her eyes and again she seemed over medicated. I finished helping her and was on my way. I was really in shock, how on the Earth could she be in this shape, it just wasn't the Kelly that I had always known.
I will tell you about the other occasions in a moment but I can't leave out the word that the Lord has been speaking to me during this time. It seems like for the last 2 months, I have heard over and over, to go out, reach people, to BE THERE for people, to be bold. I have heard this from different Pastors, from devotionals and God speaking this to me through his word as well. To be intentional in reaching out, to realize that, that is why we are here.
A few weeks ago, I saw Kelly's daughter again, I could have taken the time to say more than hi to her in passing, I could have asked why Kelly was in that shape but I didn't, I just didn't have time for this in my life, it was far bigger than what I could handle. The very next week, I saw Kelly walking down the road, she was on the other side of the hwy but I didn't go back to check on her, after all, she lives in the area and her daughter had mentioned before that Kelly likes to walk.
Last Sunday, Josh Quick spoke at Church about the mission trip that he he been on, the trip to get to the village itself seemed far more than most would have been willing to endure, much less what he faced when he got there. Larry rapped up the service with encouraging us to go out, to reach others, to stop & look for ways that the Lord wanted us to reach out. This message had me fired up because I had already planned to go that afternoon to a downtown Ministry to help serve.
Sunday afternoon, I was hurrying in my jeep, trying to be on time, I hate being late and I had to pick up a few people too. Well, God didn't care about my schedule at all!! As I am on the hwy I see Kelly. What in the world is she doing walking this busy hwy again and at 3pm in the Mississippi heat? I passed her but God said, you know what you have to do Betty. After getting turned around and back to her, I got out, with cars swooping passing me like race cars and I tried talking to Kelly. She again didn't know who I was. I tried recalling how I knew her but that didn't work again either and again, she seemed over medicated and was pouring sweat. She wouldn't take a ride from me, she said that she needed to walk for her health. I did something that was very out of my box, I boldly said, Kelly I really feel that God wants to use me, to help heal you, he keeps placing you in my life. I invited her to our next Church service, gave her my card and asked her to call me so I could get directions to her house and was on my way downtown to go serve but wish I had gotten directions to her house. I was so excited because Rebekah, the youth that was with me when I saw Kelly at Walmart could hear about what just took place and about how God kept placing her in my life.
Yesterday, the kids and I were on our way to a funeral. We were about to pass the place that I had seen Kelly walking on Sunday and I said a silent prayer. I prayed that the Lord would put Kelly back in front of me, even if it was right then, while I was hurrying to the funeral, I said, I will stop even if its right now. As I am about to pass this diesel, if i hadn't glanced over & slowed down instantly, I would have passed Kelly up. If I was driving like normal, hurrying and multitasking, I would have missed her but God stepped in, he answered my prayer, it was Kelly. I pulled over, stopped & walked to her. She was walking with her head in a book reading & had earphones on listening to K-Love. I began our conversation like the other 2 that I had before with her, trying to get her to recall that she knew me from the past. She again couldn't recall me but this day, she seemed more alert and able to grasp what I was saying better. I asked her if she remembered me talking to her on Sunday and if she still had my card and she did. I prayed for her, right there on the hwy with cars zooming pass us and asked if I could get directions to her house so that I could come over & give her more details about Church. She gave them to me but said that we couldn't sit on her porch because she has wasp really bad and then showed me a swollen hand from bee stings. Thankfully I was able to tell her that we have a Pastor at our Church that would be happy to come over and take care of the wasp free of charge. I left her with saying boldly, Kelly, this is serious, God keeps placing you in front of me for a reason, he loves you and he wants to heal you.
One of the many fruits that will sprout from what God is doing to Kelly & I is that my children will witness this. When I got back into my jeep, I told them how I had just prayed for God to put her back in front of me and he did it literally. Nick was also in the jeep with me on the previous Sunday too. I am so grateful that God has equipped me to step out boldly in ways that I have never really been able to do to this degree. Not only has he been speaking of it during the last two months but he has me surrounded by bold people and one is our youth pastor, that my son is constantly learning from. God Great and I am grateful beyond measure!!
Matthew 25:35-40
35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
About 2 months ago, I was third in line waiting to be checked out at our local Family Dollar Store. You couldn't help but notice that the lady that was checking out was out of her mind a little, it seemed like she was over medicated. She was just making it to her car when I finished checking out and I then noticed that I knew her. I didn't stop though, I hurried to my jeep, to get back to my busy life, after all, I was on the way to youth group, ya know?
The lady at the store, was Kelly(using a fake name for privacy sake), a lady that I worked in management with for about 2yrs during the time that I was pregnant with my 1st child. We worked very close to each other so we knew everything about each others lives. Kelly has always battle with depression and with the trials in life that she has been dealt, I am sure that she handled it all the best that she could. She was an overworked-hard working lady that did everything for her family. She was a hoot to be around, funny as they come.
God started putting Kelly into my life in the next two months, so much, that I would have to be blind to ignore it. The week or so after I saw Kelly at the store, the kids & I were on our morning walk when her daughter stopped her car to talk to me. This daughter hadn't seen me in 15yrs but remembered me. We talked for a few minutes, she told me that Kelly lives in my area and she would tell her where I lived so that we could get together sometime. I guess a week or so after this conversation, I was in Walmart with a girl from my youth group named Rebekah Straut and I looked up & saw Kelly checking out. She looked like she was having a hard time getting the groceries out of her buggy & onto the register, so we went over to help her. She had no idea who I was even though we have seen each other in passing, many times over the years and I knew there was no way that she could have forgotten me. I tried to recall where we had worked and names of people that we worked with but she just looked at me with a very dazed look in her eyes and again she seemed over medicated. I finished helping her and was on my way. I was really in shock, how on the Earth could she be in this shape, it just wasn't the Kelly that I had always known.
I will tell you about the other occasions in a moment but I can't leave out the word that the Lord has been speaking to me during this time. It seems like for the last 2 months, I have heard over and over, to go out, reach people, to BE THERE for people, to be bold. I have heard this from different Pastors, from devotionals and God speaking this to me through his word as well. To be intentional in reaching out, to realize that, that is why we are here.
A few weeks ago, I saw Kelly's daughter again, I could have taken the time to say more than hi to her in passing, I could have asked why Kelly was in that shape but I didn't, I just didn't have time for this in my life, it was far bigger than what I could handle. The very next week, I saw Kelly walking down the road, she was on the other side of the hwy but I didn't go back to check on her, after all, she lives in the area and her daughter had mentioned before that Kelly likes to walk.
Last Sunday, Josh Quick spoke at Church about the mission trip that he he been on, the trip to get to the village itself seemed far more than most would have been willing to endure, much less what he faced when he got there. Larry rapped up the service with encouraging us to go out, to reach others, to stop & look for ways that the Lord wanted us to reach out. This message had me fired up because I had already planned to go that afternoon to a downtown Ministry to help serve.
Sunday afternoon, I was hurrying in my jeep, trying to be on time, I hate being late and I had to pick up a few people too. Well, God didn't care about my schedule at all!! As I am on the hwy I see Kelly. What in the world is she doing walking this busy hwy again and at 3pm in the Mississippi heat? I passed her but God said, you know what you have to do Betty. After getting turned around and back to her, I got out, with cars swooping passing me like race cars and I tried talking to Kelly. She again didn't know who I was. I tried recalling how I knew her but that didn't work again either and again, she seemed over medicated and was pouring sweat. She wouldn't take a ride from me, she said that she needed to walk for her health. I did something that was very out of my box, I boldly said, Kelly I really feel that God wants to use me, to help heal you, he keeps placing you in my life. I invited her to our next Church service, gave her my card and asked her to call me so I could get directions to her house and was on my way downtown to go serve but wish I had gotten directions to her house. I was so excited because Rebekah, the youth that was with me when I saw Kelly at Walmart could hear about what just took place and about how God kept placing her in my life.
Yesterday, the kids and I were on our way to a funeral. We were about to pass the place that I had seen Kelly walking on Sunday and I said a silent prayer. I prayed that the Lord would put Kelly back in front of me, even if it was right then, while I was hurrying to the funeral, I said, I will stop even if its right now. As I am about to pass this diesel, if i hadn't glanced over & slowed down instantly, I would have passed Kelly up. If I was driving like normal, hurrying and multitasking, I would have missed her but God stepped in, he answered my prayer, it was Kelly. I pulled over, stopped & walked to her. She was walking with her head in a book reading & had earphones on listening to K-Love. I began our conversation like the other 2 that I had before with her, trying to get her to recall that she knew me from the past. She again couldn't recall me but this day, she seemed more alert and able to grasp what I was saying better. I asked her if she remembered me talking to her on Sunday and if she still had my card and she did. I prayed for her, right there on the hwy with cars zooming pass us and asked if I could get directions to her house so that I could come over & give her more details about Church. She gave them to me but said that we couldn't sit on her porch because she has wasp really bad and then showed me a swollen hand from bee stings. Thankfully I was able to tell her that we have a Pastor at our Church that would be happy to come over and take care of the wasp free of charge. I left her with saying boldly, Kelly, this is serious, God keeps placing you in front of me for a reason, he loves you and he wants to heal you.
One of the many fruits that will sprout from what God is doing to Kelly & I is that my children will witness this. When I got back into my jeep, I told them how I had just prayed for God to put her back in front of me and he did it literally. Nick was also in the jeep with me on the previous Sunday too. I am so grateful that God has equipped me to step out boldly in ways that I have never really been able to do to this degree. Not only has he been speaking of it during the last two months but he has me surrounded by bold people and one is our youth pastor, that my son is constantly learning from. God Great and I am grateful beyond measure!!
Matthew 25:35-40
35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Be Transformed
Matthew 8:10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith.
It amazes me how Jesus can break through years of wrong thinking, in just a couple of days. I mean years of fear filled, right intentions with love at the core, based thinking. Leaving love & fear fighting over who would direct & guide.
After I posted my last blog, I sent it to my dear friend and mentor, Janine. She encouraged me as usual and as usual she gave me something to chew on. It was just as if Jesus was finishing his word to me about giving my son over to the Lord. She suggested that I look at my concerns and make sure that they aren't based on fear. SIGH... When I read her words, my heart sank. Fear? No, it's not fear it's that I am keeping him from walking a path that would lead him to a way of life that would be hard from him, it's that I am protecting him from harm, it's, it's it's....FEAR BETTY, I could almost hear Janine say those words, Betty it's fear.
After I was able to process what the Lord had brought to my eyes, I started looking up information on parenting with fear. The very 1st thing that I came upon didn't have anything to do with parenting with fear specifically, it was fear in general. I clicked on a link that I truly believe will be with me forever. I started reading the 1st chapter from the book Fearless, by Max Lucado. Then I watched the free sermon that was available for the 1st chapter. Oh my word at the truth that pierced my eyes and heart. The chapter was about Jesus in the boat with his disciples with the storm brewing. I can't even give a brief description of what all Max brought up, it was so much to process. There were so many powerful truths that I will be on the 1st chapter for a while.
A few things that God showed me, with huge neon signs I might add! Even though my intentions were right on trying to protect my son, I let fear turn into control. I let control turn into a God you could say, because even though I prayed about the situation, I still did not let go of control. I let the what if's of fear lead me to have, as Max Lucado describes, spiritual alzhiemers. Why couldn't I stop in the middle of the what if's and see what the Lord has done in ME? I was a wreck, most people are blown away when I tell them about the person I was in my past, yet I let fear in a little situation tell me this is on YOU Betty, YOU have to do something, control this Betty. Your sons future is at stake, you can't let him fail!!! Then I think about Hannah and she gave Samuel to Eli, to a house that Eli's own sons were horrible sinners, she still trusted the Lord and gave her son. Another thing that God showed me was that I lead my husband to this fearful way of thinking. A couple of years ago, Mike tried to tell me that I was fearful. He didn't use those words though, it almost seemed like he was saying you are over reacting and freaking out. When I look back now, I really should have stopped and prayed about what Mike said because I am sure the Lord would have showed me what Mike meant. Instead, I refused to listen to my husband and trust the Lord, Mike eventually gave up and joined me in my efforts to control. I actually repented to Mike about this when he got home from work yesterday.
God also spoke to me last night through the wisdom from our Care Group. Last night was our night to lead and Mike has been working late and working even later, remodeling our bathroom, so I asked him if I could show the video and have everyone talk about fear. I had seasoned parents that had to walk a hard road with their son that lead a crazy life for a few years. The son was also there with his family and he is also our Youth Pastor. God spoke through their experience as parents and one that walked the road as well. We also had another member there, that had witnessed these years and had seen God do powerful things in Trent's life.
What does this mean now? Do I have to change everything? Where do I start? To be honest I don't know. I do know that I am not jumping into anything, I am not making any changes without turning them over to the Lord. I know that there is balance, you can't go from one extreme to the other but I can't ignore the fact that I have to trust the Lord and remember that HE SAVED ME and if he can save a wretch like me, then HE WILL DO, AS HE SAID HE WOULD DO, HE WILL FINISH WHAT HE STARTED!! This is the point to where I am meditating on Matthew 8, the miracles that Jesus performed.Then the fact that while in the storm, his disciples, that had saw these miracles with their own eyes, totally forgot WHO HE WAS and what he could do, they let fear cause them to forget!
I am anxious to see where the Lord is taking me and where this will lead my parenting but I feel like he is saying, be still, take this all in and this is what I plan to do!
This brings a song to mind, Let Faith Arise!
Amen!
It amazes me how Jesus can break through years of wrong thinking, in just a couple of days. I mean years of fear filled, right intentions with love at the core, based thinking. Leaving love & fear fighting over who would direct & guide.
After I posted my last blog, I sent it to my dear friend and mentor, Janine. She encouraged me as usual and as usual she gave me something to chew on. It was just as if Jesus was finishing his word to me about giving my son over to the Lord. She suggested that I look at my concerns and make sure that they aren't based on fear. SIGH... When I read her words, my heart sank. Fear? No, it's not fear it's that I am keeping him from walking a path that would lead him to a way of life that would be hard from him, it's that I am protecting him from harm, it's, it's it's....FEAR BETTY, I could almost hear Janine say those words, Betty it's fear.
After I was able to process what the Lord had brought to my eyes, I started looking up information on parenting with fear. The very 1st thing that I came upon didn't have anything to do with parenting with fear specifically, it was fear in general. I clicked on a link that I truly believe will be with me forever. I started reading the 1st chapter from the book Fearless, by Max Lucado. Then I watched the free sermon that was available for the 1st chapter. Oh my word at the truth that pierced my eyes and heart. The chapter was about Jesus in the boat with his disciples with the storm brewing. I can't even give a brief description of what all Max brought up, it was so much to process. There were so many powerful truths that I will be on the 1st chapter for a while.
A few things that God showed me, with huge neon signs I might add! Even though my intentions were right on trying to protect my son, I let fear turn into control. I let control turn into a God you could say, because even though I prayed about the situation, I still did not let go of control. I let the what if's of fear lead me to have, as Max Lucado describes, spiritual alzhiemers. Why couldn't I stop in the middle of the what if's and see what the Lord has done in ME? I was a wreck, most people are blown away when I tell them about the person I was in my past, yet I let fear in a little situation tell me this is on YOU Betty, YOU have to do something, control this Betty. Your sons future is at stake, you can't let him fail!!! Then I think about Hannah and she gave Samuel to Eli, to a house that Eli's own sons were horrible sinners, she still trusted the Lord and gave her son. Another thing that God showed me was that I lead my husband to this fearful way of thinking. A couple of years ago, Mike tried to tell me that I was fearful. He didn't use those words though, it almost seemed like he was saying you are over reacting and freaking out. When I look back now, I really should have stopped and prayed about what Mike said because I am sure the Lord would have showed me what Mike meant. Instead, I refused to listen to my husband and trust the Lord, Mike eventually gave up and joined me in my efforts to control. I actually repented to Mike about this when he got home from work yesterday.
God also spoke to me last night through the wisdom from our Care Group. Last night was our night to lead and Mike has been working late and working even later, remodeling our bathroom, so I asked him if I could show the video and have everyone talk about fear. I had seasoned parents that had to walk a hard road with their son that lead a crazy life for a few years. The son was also there with his family and he is also our Youth Pastor. God spoke through their experience as parents and one that walked the road as well. We also had another member there, that had witnessed these years and had seen God do powerful things in Trent's life.
What does this mean now? Do I have to change everything? Where do I start? To be honest I don't know. I do know that I am not jumping into anything, I am not making any changes without turning them over to the Lord. I know that there is balance, you can't go from one extreme to the other but I can't ignore the fact that I have to trust the Lord and remember that HE SAVED ME and if he can save a wretch like me, then HE WILL DO, AS HE SAID HE WOULD DO, HE WILL FINISH WHAT HE STARTED!! This is the point to where I am meditating on Matthew 8, the miracles that Jesus performed.Then the fact that while in the storm, his disciples, that had saw these miracles with their own eyes, totally forgot WHO HE WAS and what he could do, they let fear cause them to forget!
I am anxious to see where the Lord is taking me and where this will lead my parenting but I feel like he is saying, be still, take this all in and this is what I plan to do!
This brings a song to mind, Let Faith Arise!
Amen!
Monday, April 23, 2012
I give you my child
One of the Books of the Bible that has always captured me is the book of Samuel. I couldn't say exactly, what it is about this book that captures me because it reveals so much about Samuel, Saul, David & Johnathan and I am sure there are many more that I am not thinking of right now. There's love, covenants, war, protection, promises and provision. I find myself going to this book a lot, it's a familiar place that I can go & even though I know it so well, I always find new things, like little notes from the Lord that are "just" for me"!
For a while now, Mike & I have been been at our breaking point with an issue with our teenage son. There is this "one" thing and I won't go into details, it really doesn't seem like a big deal to many but it could turn into something, if it is not dealt with. It is something that could shape who he is & cause problems for him as he gets older. Actually, some people probably think we are overboard but even the smallest weakness in our lives can grow & change us. I am telling you all of this, to show you how the Lord has spoken to me this morning through 1st Samuel, giving instruction & encouragement in this area.
In 1st Samuel, chapter one, it tells about a desperate wife by the name Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, she watched another wife have many children, this other wife laughed and provoked Hannah for many years. Hannah mourned, pleaded in prayer and went to the Altar of the Lord for mercy. She told Eli, the Priest about her burden and Eli asked the Lord to bless her with a child. In return, Hannah dedicated the son back to the Lord.
When we think dedicated, we think about our little baby, dressed in white, surrounded by family, getting sprinkled with water and prayed for by our Pastors. This wasn't the case for Hannah! Once the child, Samuel, was weaned, Hannah took him back to Eli, just as she had vowed to the Lord. This part used to really get me, she wanted a child so badly but even in her plea for a child, she vowed to give this unborn, not yet conceived child, back to the Lord. I don't think I have fully grasped on to this totally, it is probably my own selfishness that keeps me from understanding it fully.
This morning, as I "again" read about Hannah dedicating Samuel, the Lord spoke to me. It was at the point of where Hannah walks away, leaving her son with Eli. I finally got it!! She was able to give back to the Lord, because he was so gracious to give to her. How could she not keep a vow, after he did such a miracle in her. She was able to walk away because she had full trust in the Lord because not only did he give her the desires of her heart but he trusted her with a child. Now it didn't say that she felt or knew that this child would grow up to be used to raise future leaders, kings even!! Nor did it say that she knew that he would be a prophet. In verse 27-28 it says,
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD
Now to go on and read of who Samuel became and how he was used has always amazed me. However, this morning, I am in awe of Hannah!!! It says that each year at their annual sacrifice, she would take Samuel a coat that she had made for him, can you imagine how proud she was, year after year, seeing her baby grow into this man of God?
So in my awe this morning, God said, "wait, don't forget about the Dad, get ALL of this Betty". So I went back yet again & read this chapter.
21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.” 23 “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.”
This is a man that has many other children by another wife. This is also the husband that watched Hannah cry and hurt for so many years because she couldn't have a child. I didn't know Elkanah but I know that most husbands want to give their wives what they want, they hate to see us hurting and desperate. On top of this, he was still the father, sure he had other children but it was still a beloved child of his.
It didn't say that the Lord spoke to Elkanah or that Elkanah had made a vow to the Lord about his child. It said that he stood by the vow that his wife made with the Lord. It also said, he chose to respect his wife in her decision on timing of the dedication. It showed a husband and wife in full unity with each other and the Lord, over the future of their child and his future.
This has given me strength to stand strong & stand with my husband, to not be lead by my feelings but to be lead in Wisdom from the Lord. It reminded me of the unity that I have felt lately with the choices in our parenting that I have felt with Mike. It has opened my weak eyes to the bigger picture of what the Lord is doing. The Lord is raising up a son, his name is Nicholas and he is not only using Mike & I but other leaders. The Lord constantly shows us, in perfect timing, when things need to be addressed. The Lord has said, "You can trust me, for Nick is mine too Betty, I have plans for him, this little weakness of his will be broken and used for my Glory one day". Refocus and trust, don't loose sight of this area but refocus enough to see the bigger picture so that you won't loose hope".
For a while now, Mike & I have been been at our breaking point with an issue with our teenage son. There is this "one" thing and I won't go into details, it really doesn't seem like a big deal to many but it could turn into something, if it is not dealt with. It is something that could shape who he is & cause problems for him as he gets older. Actually, some people probably think we are overboard but even the smallest weakness in our lives can grow & change us. I am telling you all of this, to show you how the Lord has spoken to me this morning through 1st Samuel, giving instruction & encouragement in this area.
In 1st Samuel, chapter one, it tells about a desperate wife by the name Hannah. She desperately wanted a child, she watched another wife have many children, this other wife laughed and provoked Hannah for many years. Hannah mourned, pleaded in prayer and went to the Altar of the Lord for mercy. She told Eli, the Priest about her burden and Eli asked the Lord to bless her with a child. In return, Hannah dedicated the son back to the Lord.
When we think dedicated, we think about our little baby, dressed in white, surrounded by family, getting sprinkled with water and prayed for by our Pastors. This wasn't the case for Hannah! Once the child, Samuel, was weaned, Hannah took him back to Eli, just as she had vowed to the Lord. This part used to really get me, she wanted a child so badly but even in her plea for a child, she vowed to give this unborn, not yet conceived child, back to the Lord. I don't think I have fully grasped on to this totally, it is probably my own selfishness that keeps me from understanding it fully.
This morning, as I "again" read about Hannah dedicating Samuel, the Lord spoke to me. It was at the point of where Hannah walks away, leaving her son with Eli. I finally got it!! She was able to give back to the Lord, because he was so gracious to give to her. How could she not keep a vow, after he did such a miracle in her. She was able to walk away because she had full trust in the Lord because not only did he give her the desires of her heart but he trusted her with a child. Now it didn't say that she felt or knew that this child would grow up to be used to raise future leaders, kings even!! Nor did it say that she knew that he would be a prophet. In verse 27-28 it says,
27 I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD
Now to go on and read of who Samuel became and how he was used has always amazed me. However, this morning, I am in awe of Hannah!!! It says that each year at their annual sacrifice, she would take Samuel a coat that she had made for him, can you imagine how proud she was, year after year, seeing her baby grow into this man of God?
So in my awe this morning, God said, "wait, don't forget about the Dad, get ALL of this Betty". So I went back yet again & read this chapter.
21 When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, 22 Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.” 23 “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word.”
This is a man that has many other children by another wife. This is also the husband that watched Hannah cry and hurt for so many years because she couldn't have a child. I didn't know Elkanah but I know that most husbands want to give their wives what they want, they hate to see us hurting and desperate. On top of this, he was still the father, sure he had other children but it was still a beloved child of his.
It didn't say that the Lord spoke to Elkanah or that Elkanah had made a vow to the Lord about his child. It said that he stood by the vow that his wife made with the Lord. It also said, he chose to respect his wife in her decision on timing of the dedication. It showed a husband and wife in full unity with each other and the Lord, over the future of their child and his future.
This has given me strength to stand strong & stand with my husband, to not be lead by my feelings but to be lead in Wisdom from the Lord. It reminded me of the unity that I have felt lately with the choices in our parenting that I have felt with Mike. It has opened my weak eyes to the bigger picture of what the Lord is doing. The Lord is raising up a son, his name is Nicholas and he is not only using Mike & I but other leaders. The Lord constantly shows us, in perfect timing, when things need to be addressed. The Lord has said, "You can trust me, for Nick is mine too Betty, I have plans for him, this little weakness of his will be broken and used for my Glory one day". Refocus and trust, don't loose sight of this area but refocus enough to see the bigger picture so that you won't loose hope".
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